Yet another hole I have managed to get myself into

Monday 22nd November

Today I had one of those experiences that most men would be very jealous of indeed. I got to enter an extremely tight, extremely hot hole and then shoot!

For those of you without filthy minds, I am of course reffering to the Cu Chi tunnels that were used by the Vietcong during the war, a labyrinth of interconnecting passageways that run some 250kms across the region.

The entrance of which was only 30cms x 60cms and at their tallest were around 1.2meters high, yet the local people lived in them for years and still managed to fit in a hospital, dining room and meeting rooms.

We all got to go through one of the larger passages which was still only just large enough to squeeze through in certain places but was a great experience none the less.

At the end they took us through to the shooting range where you could buy a round of real ammunition for anything from a small hand gun to something they reffered to as "the one from Rambo" which was a beast.

I plummed for the AK47 (only because it was the only one I actually recognised the name of) and confidently stepped up to the firing line.

The noise all around was defening and only those fortunate enough to be given ear mufflers from the start were spared and for once I was one of the lucky ones.

I have never been a gun fan and this did little to change that, however there is definately something to be said about weilding that kind of power in your hands and after the first shot you automatically adopt a child like grin on your face.

Unfortunately I have absolutely no idea how well I did, I got through my ammo (see now I can use all of these newfangled technical terms) in about 30 seconds without once seeing exactly where any of the bullets went.

They had told us to aim at a target at the end of the range and whilst I lined everything up to the best of my very limited ability, you really couldnt tell if you were even close to hitting the thing.

Apparently the target was shaped like a bear but it could very well have been pretty much anything from where I was standing and for all I know I may have taken out any number of other things during this short but somewhat satisfying process.

On the way back we passed a bakery (well at least I think it was from the bread outside) and I couldnt help but make a note of the name, thinking that it provided a very good example of how our languages are so phonetically different.

If you happen to ever find yourselves on the outskirts of Ho Chi Minh are in the market for some sort of savory bread like substance then perhaps you too could choose the "Phuc Hung Long Dong" outlet to meet your culinary requirements.

I had another massage yesterday and it was one of the best I have ever had yet cost less than £2. At one point the young lady had interlocked her legs around my waist and used her arms to swing my back around until it cracked, a feeling like no other I can assure you.

It wasnt until I went to pay that I noticed the distinct lack of clothing that this particular establishment had deemed fit to make their uniform of choice. Pauline and Tyler had been sitting in reception waiting for me to finish and apparently one of the girls had bent down in front of them and winked at them with her one eye if you catch my meaning.

Unfortunately if you cast your mind back just a few sentances, you will remember that my masseuse had literally had her crutch stuck to my back and now I am concerned that it may not have been baby oil that she was rubbing into my spine.

I was lucky that she didnt get vacuum sucked there permanently but had'nt thought to ask if she was wearing underwear prior to our very legitamate engagement, I guess the only way to know for sure would be to go back there again.  Its always good to provide as thorough an account as possible and we obviously want to ensure that we get all of the facts right!