On a bicycle made for 2

Friday 29th October

Wow, this place is mesmerising!  We have headed south out of Guilin for a few days to Yangshou as we had heard it was beautiful and luckily for us this was a gross understatement. 

To reach it we took a bamboo boat down the river Li, a journey of some 2 hours travelling at walking pace and trying to absorb as much of the surrounding outcrops and stone monoliths as possible whilst also trying to avoid getting wet at the same time. 

The river was pretty chaotic and every time one of the larger tour boats whizzed passed a wave hit the side of our boat causing it to jolt to the side and take on water. This however only added to the overall experience for me, a little bit of excitement on an otherwise serene journey. 

When we arrived in Yangshou itself we were picked up by a large golf cart and whisked away down a rocky road that was meant only for large 4x4 vehicles.  For the first time i got to experience what it felt like to be a lottery ball in a picking machine as my insides were violently thrusted from side to side with reckless abandon. 

The ten minute drive felt like an hour as we traversed windy roads with hairpin corners squashed like sardines into our tin on wheels. We finally arrived at the bus station and were immediately set upon by a group of touts, picking off unsuspecting tourists with the promise of cheap rooms and hot showers. 

Luckily we had booked ours in advance and set off down the street in search of our haven for the next few nights. As it turns out we may have been a little hasty in our judgement of direction and found ourselves 20 minutes away from the hotel which was actually right next to the drop off point where we started. 

It's impossible though for your spirits to be dampened in this place, the overly touristic town is completely surrounded by large hills on all sides and has an air of intrigue about it that promises something for everyone who visits. 

We had met a couple of people on our boat and as they had nowhere to stay they decided to come with us to see if there was room at the inn. They were in luck and after a quick freshening up we descended back down to the main street in search of the allusive beer and food that had been taunting us since our arrival from the safety of it's giant bill boards. 

As we were sauntering through west street we came across their local shopping centre and although to the casual passer by I must have looked like a crazed lunatic on day release I immediately stopped and giggled my head off. We have seen some real humdingers on our travels but nothing quite beats the "Wang ke long shopping complex" a place that is so proud of it's name that it displays it not once but twice in giant 10ft neon letters outside. 

We eventually choose one of the many nearby restaurants and started to hatch a plan for what we would do the next day and although the touts did their best to interrupt the conversation every few seconds by shoving postcards, watches and wooden flutes on to our laps we eventually managed to.  

This is how I found myself the next day on a tandem bike with Tyler in tow, careering through the streets of Yangshou on our way to the much publicised moon water caves. I am not sure if any of you have ever ridden a tandem but it's very disconcerting, it's as if someone is chasing you and no matter what you do you can't shake them off. 

You become tempted to take bends sharply and go off road just to get away but to his credit Tyler was also gifted in the art of tracking and stayed with me all the way. 

When we reached our destination we had to strip off to our swimming trunks and jump aboard a wooden boat that would take us through to the hot springs and mud baths that laid inside. As it turns out this was somewhat misleading, what it actually did was take you to the entrance of an incredibly tight 5 mile hike through crevasses and cracks that were not designed for human passage. 

As masculine as we all looked in our swimming trunks, flip flops and hard hats, I got the feeling that the guide was still laughing at us! 

When we finally reached the mud baths we were broken people and if someone had asked us to reveal all of our inner most secrets at that precise moment in return for a chilled beer I am pretty sure that the guide would have had enough material for a new book. 

Still instead we were asked to get into the bath and unwind, a feat that proved to be very difficult to do as "unwind" and "freezing temperature" are seldom heard in the same sentence. Our sweat immediately disappeared to be replaced by goose bumps as we all tried our best to become accustomed to the surreal experience of attempting to walk through thick cold mud. 

In true british form though our inhibitions didn't remain intact for long and in no time at all we were completely caked in thick brown sludge from head to toe, in one fail swoop we had transcended from the lead singers in the YMCA to the backing singers for the scat man (if you don't get it don't ask).  

Pauline took great pleasure in pouring a huge amount of the stuff down the back of my swimming trunks and I had visions of going through life with a cement filled  butt crack and everlasting colonics. I will however get my revenge, it is just a matter of time and I shall choose my moment wisely :-)

Tyler had a whale of a time, the bath had a slide into it and he was quick to jump at the chance of getting as dirty as possible with his parents blessing. Luckily the hot spring beckoned and we all sprinted (as much as our environment and flip flops would allow) back through the narrow passageways to cleanliness. 

Now to most people a bath is something that is habitually taken out of the need for hygiene and a fear of stinking and loosing your friends, however I can honestly say that for us 5 people the water we now encountered was pure unadulterated ecstasy.  

Never before had this cave encountered a sigh of satisfaction so loud, to the point where we were worried that the stalactites may well be shaken loose from above. I am pretty sure though that even if this did happen, at that moment, none of us would have been willing to move out of the way and when our bodies were eventually recovered they would still have the satisfied looks of people who had just had the best baths of their lives.     

Once we were fully satisfied that we had got every last bit of mud off (an impossible feat as we later found out) we wound our way through the remainder of the caves and back to civilisation. 

After this we thought that we would get over the long hike we had just had in the caves by climbing to the top of moon hill, some 800 steps. Yeah what a great idea that was, it had been so long since my body had been covered in sweat but now I had the added benefit of my legs aching too. 

Still the view from the top was incredible and we were lucky to encounter a rock climber who was actually climbing around the crest of the moon that is the main focal point to the hill. You will have to see the pictures to fully understand but let me accure you that there is absolutely bugger all chance you could ever get me doing anything like that. 

I know I have written more than usual but this morning we were woken abruptly from our slumber by what sounded like a gun fight in the street outside, well I say "we" both Pauline and Tyler could sleep through anything and today was no exception.  So I went outside to check out what was happening and there was a funeral procession on the street with everyone throwing fire crackers on the floor and a brass band, it was an incredible sight but one can't help wondering why they chose to be buried at 06:30.  I guess they hated their neighbours and this was their last chance at getting their own back.