Sunday 28th November
Yesterday was Tylers 8th birthday and I feel old :-(
As a treat we took him to the Dai Nam Van Hein complex that in the words of wikipedia "
is expected to be the biggest park and tourist destination in the country by 2010". The fact that nobody in Ho Chi Minh had even heard of it should have raised some alarm bells but we persevered regardless.
Sunday, 28 November 2010
Monday, 22 November 2010
Yet another hole I have managed to get myself into
Monday 22nd November
Today I had one of those experiences that most men would be very jealous of indeed. I got to enter an extremely tight, extremely hot hole and then shoot!
For those of you without filthy minds, I am of course reffering to the Cu Chi tunnels that were used by the Vietcong during the war, a labyrinth of interconnecting passageways that run some 250kms across the region.
The entrance of which was only 30cms x 60cms and at their tallest were around 1.2meters high, yet the local people lived in them for years and still managed to fit in a hospital, dining room and meeting rooms.
We all got to go through one of the larger passages which was still only just large enough to squeeze through in certain places but was a great experience none the less.
At the end they took us through to the shooting range where you could buy a round of real ammunition for anything from a small hand gun to something they reffered to as "the one from Rambo" which was a beast.
I plummed for the AK47 (only because it was the only one I actually recognised the name of) and confidently stepped up to the firing line.
The noise all around was defening and only those fortunate enough to be given ear mufflers from the start were spared and for once I was one of the lucky ones.
I have never been a gun fan and this did little to change that, however there is definately something to be said about weilding that kind of power in your hands and after the first shot you automatically adopt a child like grin on your face.
Unfortunately I have absolutely no idea how well I did, I got through my ammo (see now I can use all of these newfangled technical terms) in about 30 seconds without once seeing exactly where any of the bullets went.
They had told us to aim at a target at the end of the range and whilst I lined everything up to the best of my very limited ability, you really couldnt tell if you were even close to hitting the thing.
Apparently the target was shaped like a bear but it could very well have been pretty much anything from where I was standing and for all I know I may have taken out any number of other things during this short but somewhat satisfying process.
On the way back we passed a bakery (well at least I think it was from the bread outside) and I couldnt help but make a note of the name, thinking that it provided a very good example of how our languages are so phonetically different.
If you happen to ever find yourselves on the outskirts of Ho Chi Minh are in the market for some sort of savory bread like substance then perhaps you too could choose the "Phuc Hung Long Dong" outlet to meet your culinary requirements.
I had another massage yesterday and it was one of the best I have ever had yet cost less than £2. At one point the young lady had interlocked her legs around my waist and used her arms to swing my back around until it cracked, a feeling like no other I can assure you.
It wasnt until I went to pay that I noticed the distinct lack of clothing that this particular establishment had deemed fit to make their uniform of choice. Pauline and Tyler had been sitting in reception waiting for me to finish and apparently one of the girls had bent down in front of them and winked at them with her one eye if you catch my meaning.
Unfortunately if you cast your mind back just a few sentances, you will remember that my masseuse had literally had her crutch stuck to my back and now I am concerned that it may not have been baby oil that she was rubbing into my spine.
I was lucky that she didnt get vacuum sucked there permanently but had'nt thought to ask if she was wearing underwear prior to our very legitamate engagement, I guess the only way to know for sure would be to go back there again. Its always good to provide as thorough an account as possible and we obviously want to ensure that we get all of the facts right!
Today I had one of those experiences that most men would be very jealous of indeed. I got to enter an extremely tight, extremely hot hole and then shoot!
For those of you without filthy minds, I am of course reffering to the Cu Chi tunnels that were used by the Vietcong during the war, a labyrinth of interconnecting passageways that run some 250kms across the region.
The entrance of which was only 30cms x 60cms and at their tallest were around 1.2meters high, yet the local people lived in them for years and still managed to fit in a hospital, dining room and meeting rooms.
We all got to go through one of the larger passages which was still only just large enough to squeeze through in certain places but was a great experience none the less.
At the end they took us through to the shooting range where you could buy a round of real ammunition for anything from a small hand gun to something they reffered to as "the one from Rambo" which was a beast.
I plummed for the AK47 (only because it was the only one I actually recognised the name of) and confidently stepped up to the firing line.
The noise all around was defening and only those fortunate enough to be given ear mufflers from the start were spared and for once I was one of the lucky ones.
I have never been a gun fan and this did little to change that, however there is definately something to be said about weilding that kind of power in your hands and after the first shot you automatically adopt a child like grin on your face.
Unfortunately I have absolutely no idea how well I did, I got through my ammo (see now I can use all of these newfangled technical terms) in about 30 seconds without once seeing exactly where any of the bullets went.
They had told us to aim at a target at the end of the range and whilst I lined everything up to the best of my very limited ability, you really couldnt tell if you were even close to hitting the thing.
Apparently the target was shaped like a bear but it could very well have been pretty much anything from where I was standing and for all I know I may have taken out any number of other things during this short but somewhat satisfying process.
On the way back we passed a bakery (well at least I think it was from the bread outside) and I couldnt help but make a note of the name, thinking that it provided a very good example of how our languages are so phonetically different.
If you happen to ever find yourselves on the outskirts of Ho Chi Minh are in the market for some sort of savory bread like substance then perhaps you too could choose the "Phuc Hung Long Dong" outlet to meet your culinary requirements.
I had another massage yesterday and it was one of the best I have ever had yet cost less than £2. At one point the young lady had interlocked her legs around my waist and used her arms to swing my back around until it cracked, a feeling like no other I can assure you.
It wasnt until I went to pay that I noticed the distinct lack of clothing that this particular establishment had deemed fit to make their uniform of choice. Pauline and Tyler had been sitting in reception waiting for me to finish and apparently one of the girls had bent down in front of them and winked at them with her one eye if you catch my meaning.
Unfortunately if you cast your mind back just a few sentances, you will remember that my masseuse had literally had her crutch stuck to my back and now I am concerned that it may not have been baby oil that she was rubbing into my spine.
I was lucky that she didnt get vacuum sucked there permanently but had'nt thought to ask if she was wearing underwear prior to our very legitamate engagement, I guess the only way to know for sure would be to go back there again. Its always good to provide as thorough an account as possible and we obviously want to ensure that we get all of the facts right!
Saturday, 20 November 2010
Vietnamese Engine Tuning!
Saturday 20th November
There is a strange phenomenon within Vietnam that I don't recollect ever encountering in other countries. For some reason the powers that be thought that it would be advantageous for the country to equip large vehicles with melodies when they reverse instead of merely just beeping.
The thing is that the last thought that crosses most people minds when they hear "Happy Birthday" is to dive out of the way of a reversing HGV as it careers down the path towards them.
Also rather
We have now made it to Ho Chi Minch City (formerly Saigon) on another memorable bus journey, this time however our luxury air conditioned sleeper bus with toilet, turned out to be a ford transit mini van.
Tyler and I had the misfortune of claiming the front seats for the 7 hour journey, an experience that could only be equalled if you were willing to swap places with a crash test dummy for the day.
In the UK if you were to have a near miss on the roads you would be having heart palpitations for the rest of the day.
On this single journey we must have had at least 20 and the driver didnt even raise an eyebrow yet alone react in any other physical manner, it just seems to be a daily occurence.
By the end of the journey there were very large imprints of my hands visible on the dashboard and I am pretty sure a large dent in the floor where I was trying to break every other second.
In between trying not to watch our kamikazee driver trying to accomplish his mission I thought I would make a note of some of the things we spotted on the back of peoples mopeds, please bare in mind that these are just standard mopeds no different from what we would get back home:
One large dead pig
One cage with 15 dogs
20 birds in seperate bird cages
3 goats
4 cages full of chickens
Stack of 20 ft Bamboo poles strapped to the back of the seat with an ingenious wheel at the other end
10 ft x 6 ft billboard advertising "OMO" Washing powder
10 ft wooden ladder held vertically
This helped to take our mind off of impending carnage for a while and unbelievably somehow we made it relatively unscathed once again.
Da Lat had been an interesting town, the weather wasnt great but whilst we were there we organised a jeep tour of the countryside with one of the couples from our hotel who shall now forever be known as "those germans" because we always forget to ask peoples names.
The tour took in 6 of the sites that were near to the town including the elephant waterfall which was incredible, if only for the complete and utter lack of health and safety.
The waterfall itself was an amazing site to behold, however in order to get there you had to walk down a series of very muddy, very wet rocks that looked as though they could cut you alive just by touching them.
The path lulls you into a false sense of security for the first 20 meters because someone has very kindly added a metal railing, however after this disappears you are on your own and its a very long way down.
My advice though for what its worth is dont give up, the views are spectacular and you can actually climb through a cave and get right underneath it which is awsome and very very wet indeed.
We also got to savor the local rice wine which apparently you are only meant to sip it but I had downed mine before anyone mentioned that bit, which was about the same time they informed me that it was 65% proof and my mouth went numb.
I was suddenly overwheled with a desire to go and drive a sleeper bus a high speed but managed to resist the urge for now!
One cant help wondering if the funeral Herses play "Another one bites the dust" by Queen but this is perhaps taking it a little too far and probably explains why I wasnt involved in the decision making process.
bizarrely the garbage collection vehicles all play "Its a small world after all" from Walt Disney, perhaps there is a deeper meaning to this song that I am unaware of but either way I would have loved to have been in the board meeting where that one was decided.
There is a strange phenomenon within Vietnam that I don't recollect ever encountering in other countries. For some reason the powers that be thought that it would be advantageous for the country to equip large vehicles with melodies when they reverse instead of merely just beeping.
The thing is that the last thought that crosses most people minds when they hear "Happy Birthday" is to dive out of the way of a reversing HGV as it careers down the path towards them.
Also rather
We have now made it to Ho Chi Minch City (formerly Saigon) on another memorable bus journey, this time however our luxury air conditioned sleeper bus with toilet, turned out to be a ford transit mini van.
Tyler and I had the misfortune of claiming the front seats for the 7 hour journey, an experience that could only be equalled if you were willing to swap places with a crash test dummy for the day.
In the UK if you were to have a near miss on the roads you would be having heart palpitations for the rest of the day.
On this single journey we must have had at least 20 and the driver didnt even raise an eyebrow yet alone react in any other physical manner, it just seems to be a daily occurence.
By the end of the journey there were very large imprints of my hands visible on the dashboard and I am pretty sure a large dent in the floor where I was trying to break every other second.
In between trying not to watch our kamikazee driver trying to accomplish his mission I thought I would make a note of some of the things we spotted on the back of peoples mopeds, please bare in mind that these are just standard mopeds no different from what we would get back home:
One large dead pig
One cage with 15 dogs
20 birds in seperate bird cages
3 goats
4 cages full of chickens
Stack of 20 ft Bamboo poles strapped to the back of the seat with an ingenious wheel at the other end
10 ft x 6 ft billboard advertising "OMO" Washing powder
10 ft wooden ladder held vertically
This helped to take our mind off of impending carnage for a while and unbelievably somehow we made it relatively unscathed once again.
Da Lat had been an interesting town, the weather wasnt great but whilst we were there we organised a jeep tour of the countryside with one of the couples from our hotel who shall now forever be known as "those germans" because we always forget to ask peoples names.
The tour took in 6 of the sites that were near to the town including the elephant waterfall which was incredible, if only for the complete and utter lack of health and safety.
The waterfall itself was an amazing site to behold, however in order to get there you had to walk down a series of very muddy, very wet rocks that looked as though they could cut you alive just by touching them.
The path lulls you into a false sense of security for the first 20 meters because someone has very kindly added a metal railing, however after this disappears you are on your own and its a very long way down.
My advice though for what its worth is dont give up, the views are spectacular and you can actually climb through a cave and get right underneath it which is awsome and very very wet indeed.
We also got to savor the local rice wine which apparently you are only meant to sip it but I had downed mine before anyone mentioned that bit, which was about the same time they informed me that it was 65% proof and my mouth went numb.
I was suddenly overwheled with a desire to go and drive a sleeper bus a high speed but managed to resist the urge for now!
One cant help wondering if the funeral Herses play "Another one bites the dust" by Queen but this is perhaps taking it a little too far and probably explains why I wasnt involved in the decision making process.
bizarrely the garbage collection vehicles all play "Its a small world after all" from Walt Disney, perhaps there is a deeper meaning to this song that I am unaware of but either way I would have loved to have been in the board meeting where that one was decided.
Tuesday, 16 November 2010
Black Eyed Peas
Wednesday 17th November
Its been a few days since the last update, Nha Trang has been fantastic, well except for one minor little issue that is.
We spent the day at Vinpearl island which consists of a theme park, water park and a splattering of shops and restauants. We were having a whale of a time at the waterpark, there were loads of slides, wave machines and the weather was fantastic.
However there was one slide in particular that Tyler had been dying to go on, it was the "Family Slide" a steep slope where you jumped into a 6 seater dinghy and shot down the slide at speed.
We had all been on it a few times when someone suggested going down in a two seater instead. All went well a few times but then disaster struck, Pauline and Tyler came down so fast that their rubber tube flipped and both smacked into each other causing a collossal bang and a scene worth of any hidden camera show.
The end result was that Tyler ended up with a giant smack to the back of his head, Pauline ended up with a very swollen face and the startings of a black eye that will be fully formed in a few days.
Thus ended our adventure to the water park and I spent the rest of the day accompanying Shrek and Susan Boyle around the theme park , looking like a carer for the deformation day release clinic.
Anyway, the remainer of our time there went smoothly and we fell in love with the place but like everywhere else we had to pack up our stuff again and head away to Dalat.
Its amazing that we made it as we have just had one of the most hair raising rides of our lives! It seems that in order to create a truly authentic vietmanese bus journey you first take one or two highly irrational and potentially unqualified drivers, add a 30 year old rusty coach that has dubious safety features including broken seat belts and windows.
Then from there you make them drive 5 hours on steep mountain passes covered in pot holes and landslides as fast as they can possibly make the beaten up vehicle go and if thats still a bit tame just to spice it up a little more add torrential rain.
I lost count of the times we almost careered off the road and I have absolutely no idea how the suspension lasted longer than a few minutes but somehow we made it through. Tyler dealt with it in his own nonchalant way by sleeping through the entire journey and waking up completely unphased moaning how hungry he was.
Its been a few days since the last update, Nha Trang has been fantastic, well except for one minor little issue that is.
We spent the day at Vinpearl island which consists of a theme park, water park and a splattering of shops and restauants. We were having a whale of a time at the waterpark, there were loads of slides, wave machines and the weather was fantastic.
However there was one slide in particular that Tyler had been dying to go on, it was the "Family Slide" a steep slope where you jumped into a 6 seater dinghy and shot down the slide at speed.
We had all been on it a few times when someone suggested going down in a two seater instead. All went well a few times but then disaster struck, Pauline and Tyler came down so fast that their rubber tube flipped and both smacked into each other causing a collossal bang and a scene worth of any hidden camera show.
The end result was that Tyler ended up with a giant smack to the back of his head, Pauline ended up with a very swollen face and the startings of a black eye that will be fully formed in a few days.
Thus ended our adventure to the water park and I spent the rest of the day accompanying Shrek and Susan Boyle around the theme park , looking like a carer for the deformation day release clinic.
Anyway, the remainer of our time there went smoothly and we fell in love with the place but like everywhere else we had to pack up our stuff again and head away to Dalat.
Its amazing that we made it as we have just had one of the most hair raising rides of our lives! It seems that in order to create a truly authentic vietmanese bus journey you first take one or two highly irrational and potentially unqualified drivers, add a 30 year old rusty coach that has dubious safety features including broken seat belts and windows.
Then from there you make them drive 5 hours on steep mountain passes covered in pot holes and landslides as fast as they can possibly make the beaten up vehicle go and if thats still a bit tame just to spice it up a little more add torrential rain.
I lost count of the times we almost careered off the road and I have absolutely no idea how the suspension lasted longer than a few minutes but somehow we made it through. Tyler dealt with it in his own nonchalant way by sleeping through the entire journey and waking up completely unphased moaning how hungry he was.
Sunday, 14 November 2010
Pauline's Patented Negotiating Tactics
Sunday 14th November
I finally got to witness Paulines amazing negotiating skills first hand and it was certainly worth the wait, in fact I should encourage her to perhaps go on the road and teach the uninitiated her revolutionary style.
Bascially, so as not to jeapordise any future earnings that could be forthcoming from this venture, I will only provide here a very high level synopsis.
Firstly, you have to choose your establishment very carefully so as to ensure the best chance of success, this is no easy feat as practically everyone on the streets of Hoi An is trying to sell you something.
Then when you spot your target you enter the premesis looking supremely confident with your head held aloft as if to insinuate that you could easily buy up their entire chain along with all of their neighbours outlets as well.
From there and this is the real tricky bit so pay close attention, when they tell you the price that they want, you adopt a stupid grin, dive into your purse and pay them the full amount.
You can then be content as you leave the shop with your bag of badly tailored tat that you have probably just put their entire family through college and made the community a better place.
I will be adding an application form for the full course in a few days so make sure that you sign up early to secure your place, I may even through in some partly fraid, slightly smelly Vietnam cloth for the first 200 to take the plunge.
So, anyway now that I have got that off of my chest, what can I tell you about Hoi An, hmm, well its wet, very wet, and apart from a few shops that can now afford a decent education, there is little to tell it apart from many of the other places that we have visited.
Having said that the food there was exceptional, so much so that Pauline asked the chef of one restaurant to teach her how to cook one of the dishes we had just eaten and the next day off she trotted in the early hours of the morning to cook her first vietmenese dish.
It was a win win situation for Tyler and I as not only did we get a lay in and could doss about for a bit, but we also got a free lunch.
We also decided that we couldnt be arsed to make the 20 minute walk down to meet her so we hired a moped and ripped up the streets looking super cool, well maybe not but it beat walking.
She did a good job and the food was great and she was obvioulsly so jealous about how cool that Tyler and I looked that she hired her own moped and we rode out to My Son, a very silly name for a pretty vacant place with a load of ruins but give Tyler time :-)
It was a great day and for once the rain had laid up for a while so we actually remainined pretty dry on the 30 mile drive there (30 miles on a bloody moped, what were we thinking).
There is something about being on a moped that instantly makes you think you are cool, that is right up until the moment you fleetingly glance at yourself in the reflexion of a shop window and realise you look like a complete idiot, with a smaller idiot holding on for dear life on the back.
Still it was a fun day and we still had another day of torrential rain to look forward to before we could once again savor the delights of the overnight sleeper bus.
Just before we were going to board the bus, Pauline discovered that the hotel I had booked in Nha Trang was notorious for theft and generally a bad idea, so with a minute to spare and not a lot of thought we through caution to the wind and booked a nice hotel instead.
We had heard that the further south we went the worse the weather would get so we may as well be holled up somewhere nice for a few days.
I think I have covered most of the points of the over night bus that people should be aware of, the only thing left to say is that you should absolutely reserve your tickets and obtain allocated seats in advance.
This isnt in fact done so that you will receive those seats, ohh no that would never work in Vietnam, this is purely so that you can see the smile on the drivers face as he tells you to shut up and sit wherever is available.
I have a feeling that this is one of the very few pleasures that he receives during his day and we all have a responsibility to make him happy before he attempts to stay awake, while drinking coke and smoking, without crashing into anything or careering down a ditch.
This particular bus had 5 beds next to each other at the very back of the bus, seperated only by very hard metal girders which I think was a relief for the two dutch guys that we ended up sharing with.
The beds are precisely half the average humans width wide and dont lie completely flat so that you can see the oncoming traffic getting dangerously close to taking out the driver.
I think the key to taking one of these trips is to set your expectations unbelievably low and then expect them not to be met in any way.
After two very near crashes and having lost any will that we had left to live, we finally reached Nha Trang.
Ohh my god, it is gorgeous, the hotel is a second from the beach, the weather has been magnificant all day and they have a breakfast buffet.
Those two words alone now bring tears to my eyes and as we gorged ourselves on more food than is strictly healthy for human consumption we had a look of contentment on our faces that had been seldom seen over the past weeks.
We have just come in from jumping over waves for a few hours and it has honestly been a perfect day, still rain is forecast soon so I guess we will have to see what tomorrow brings!
I finally got to witness Paulines amazing negotiating skills first hand and it was certainly worth the wait, in fact I should encourage her to perhaps go on the road and teach the uninitiated her revolutionary style.
Bascially, so as not to jeapordise any future earnings that could be forthcoming from this venture, I will only provide here a very high level synopsis.
Firstly, you have to choose your establishment very carefully so as to ensure the best chance of success, this is no easy feat as practically everyone on the streets of Hoi An is trying to sell you something.
Then when you spot your target you enter the premesis looking supremely confident with your head held aloft as if to insinuate that you could easily buy up their entire chain along with all of their neighbours outlets as well.
From there and this is the real tricky bit so pay close attention, when they tell you the price that they want, you adopt a stupid grin, dive into your purse and pay them the full amount.
You can then be content as you leave the shop with your bag of badly tailored tat that you have probably just put their entire family through college and made the community a better place.
I will be adding an application form for the full course in a few days so make sure that you sign up early to secure your place, I may even through in some partly fraid, slightly smelly Vietnam cloth for the first 200 to take the plunge.
So, anyway now that I have got that off of my chest, what can I tell you about Hoi An, hmm, well its wet, very wet, and apart from a few shops that can now afford a decent education, there is little to tell it apart from many of the other places that we have visited.
Having said that the food there was exceptional, so much so that Pauline asked the chef of one restaurant to teach her how to cook one of the dishes we had just eaten and the next day off she trotted in the early hours of the morning to cook her first vietmenese dish.
It was a win win situation for Tyler and I as not only did we get a lay in and could doss about for a bit, but we also got a free lunch.
We also decided that we couldnt be arsed to make the 20 minute walk down to meet her so we hired a moped and ripped up the streets looking super cool, well maybe not but it beat walking.
She did a good job and the food was great and she was obvioulsly so jealous about how cool that Tyler and I looked that she hired her own moped and we rode out to My Son, a very silly name for a pretty vacant place with a load of ruins but give Tyler time :-)
It was a great day and for once the rain had laid up for a while so we actually remainined pretty dry on the 30 mile drive there (30 miles on a bloody moped, what were we thinking).
There is something about being on a moped that instantly makes you think you are cool, that is right up until the moment you fleetingly glance at yourself in the reflexion of a shop window and realise you look like a complete idiot, with a smaller idiot holding on for dear life on the back.
Still it was a fun day and we still had another day of torrential rain to look forward to before we could once again savor the delights of the overnight sleeper bus.
Just before we were going to board the bus, Pauline discovered that the hotel I had booked in Nha Trang was notorious for theft and generally a bad idea, so with a minute to spare and not a lot of thought we through caution to the wind and booked a nice hotel instead.
We had heard that the further south we went the worse the weather would get so we may as well be holled up somewhere nice for a few days.
I think I have covered most of the points of the over night bus that people should be aware of, the only thing left to say is that you should absolutely reserve your tickets and obtain allocated seats in advance.
This isnt in fact done so that you will receive those seats, ohh no that would never work in Vietnam, this is purely so that you can see the smile on the drivers face as he tells you to shut up and sit wherever is available.
I have a feeling that this is one of the very few pleasures that he receives during his day and we all have a responsibility to make him happy before he attempts to stay awake, while drinking coke and smoking, without crashing into anything or careering down a ditch.
This particular bus had 5 beds next to each other at the very back of the bus, seperated only by very hard metal girders which I think was a relief for the two dutch guys that we ended up sharing with.
The beds are precisely half the average humans width wide and dont lie completely flat so that you can see the oncoming traffic getting dangerously close to taking out the driver.
I think the key to taking one of these trips is to set your expectations unbelievably low and then expect them not to be met in any way.
After two very near crashes and having lost any will that we had left to live, we finally reached Nha Trang.
Ohh my god, it is gorgeous, the hotel is a second from the beach, the weather has been magnificant all day and they have a breakfast buffet.
Those two words alone now bring tears to my eyes and as we gorged ourselves on more food than is strictly healthy for human consumption we had a look of contentment on our faces that had been seldom seen over the past weeks.
We have just come in from jumping over waves for a few hours and it has honestly been a perfect day, still rain is forecast soon so I guess we will have to see what tomorrow brings!
Wednesday, 10 November 2010
The wheels on the bus go round and round and round and round
Wednesday 10th November:
The words "sleeper bus" instantly conjures up images in most peoples minds of relaxation, perhaps a nice fluffy mattress on wheels. Some may even go as far as imagining crisp white bed linen and reclining in comfort as the soothing motion of the carriage lulls you into a gentle slumber.
Well I hate to be the one to burst this rather perfect image for you but I can confirm that they were definitely being a little over optimistic when they named this service.
For starters the roads in vietnam are far from being flat or smooth so every 20 or so seconds, just as you have found a nice comfy bit that doesn't cause your muscles to spasm or lose circulation, your whole body is elevated then thrown across to collide with the safety barrier at speed.
It like a scene from the exorcist whereby you temporarily get to experience what levitation feels like before your head starts to spin.
Then you have the onboard entertainment system that generally consists of a low budget local film or the vietnam equivalent of X factor. At points it's not easy to tell them apart, even when there is a speaker strategically located directly above your head thats set to full volume.
Finally there are the lights, which appear at first glance to have been stolen from the control deck of the starship enterprise. These consist of 2 long rows of fluorescent lights, backed up by 2 long rows of blue lights, backed up by subsequent row of round led lights. Of course I don't have time here to detail all of the other lights that we counted in the cabin such as the emergency exit lights or the personal reading lights as that would be pretty petty but suffice to say it was pretty bright.
The really cool thing is that the operation of these lights have been designed to be completely random. For example, when they finally did turn off the overhead lights several hours into our journey, they would come back on again each time the driver accelerated, creating a sort of ageing disco effect that we could all enjoy.
Then, when the bus stops to let people off for a break, normally about 5 minutes after you finally get some shut eye, they turn the overhead lights off so that you have to stamp on people as you go through. It was like a compulsory game of twister played by groggy tourists and grumpy locals. If someone spun the "left foot, womans face" option then i definitely won the game hands down, literally.
So after 2 hours sleep on a 12 hour overnight coach ride we reached Hue refreshed, relaxed and ready to take on the new day, or to put it another way we slept, and slept for a very long time indeed.
The following day we booked a tour with the Hue riders, a group of experienced motocyclists that take you off of the beaten track and show you the highlights of Hue. They were all brought up locally so knew the area inside out which was great, we also had a guide each so between the three of us we looked like a warped episode of "Chips".
The first destination they took us to was an ancient monestary with 17 permanent monks who tend to the garden and seem to amble about for most of the day. We were fortunate or unfortunate enough to be invited in to watch their daily prayers. Whoppi Goldberg would have had a field day with these guys, they could all hold a note but unfortunately they were all different ones. It was very relaxing to watch them all but after 20 minutes our ears had decided it was time to escape and we continued on our merry way.
The rest of the day was spent driving around the various tombs and pagodas that are spread throughout the city, its a great place if you are into your history and although the sites havent been restored to chinese standards the sheer quantity more than makes up for this.
Our final stop was into one of the villages on the outskirts of Hue, it didnt seem like many tourists came to this part as we received a lot of attention from the locals, especially Tyler who the old ladies adored. They dragged him into the local museum and taught him how to make rice and flour as well as showing him all of the local fishing techniques.
It was a great day and the weather held out right up until we got dropped off which was a result!
We only had a couple of days in Hue but thanks to the Hue riders we saw far more than we had expected and after yet another 5 hour coach trip we have arrived safely in Hoi An to chill for a bit.
The words "sleeper bus" instantly conjures up images in most peoples minds of relaxation, perhaps a nice fluffy mattress on wheels. Some may even go as far as imagining crisp white bed linen and reclining in comfort as the soothing motion of the carriage lulls you into a gentle slumber.
Well I hate to be the one to burst this rather perfect image for you but I can confirm that they were definitely being a little over optimistic when they named this service.
For starters the roads in vietnam are far from being flat or smooth so every 20 or so seconds, just as you have found a nice comfy bit that doesn't cause your muscles to spasm or lose circulation, your whole body is elevated then thrown across to collide with the safety barrier at speed.
It like a scene from the exorcist whereby you temporarily get to experience what levitation feels like before your head starts to spin.
Then you have the onboard entertainment system that generally consists of a low budget local film or the vietnam equivalent of X factor. At points it's not easy to tell them apart, even when there is a speaker strategically located directly above your head thats set to full volume.
Finally there are the lights, which appear at first glance to have been stolen from the control deck of the starship enterprise. These consist of 2 long rows of fluorescent lights, backed up by 2 long rows of blue lights, backed up by subsequent row of round led lights. Of course I don't have time here to detail all of the other lights that we counted in the cabin such as the emergency exit lights or the personal reading lights as that would be pretty petty but suffice to say it was pretty bright.
The really cool thing is that the operation of these lights have been designed to be completely random. For example, when they finally did turn off the overhead lights several hours into our journey, they would come back on again each time the driver accelerated, creating a sort of ageing disco effect that we could all enjoy.
Then, when the bus stops to let people off for a break, normally about 5 minutes after you finally get some shut eye, they turn the overhead lights off so that you have to stamp on people as you go through. It was like a compulsory game of twister played by groggy tourists and grumpy locals. If someone spun the "left foot, womans face" option then i definitely won the game hands down, literally.
So after 2 hours sleep on a 12 hour overnight coach ride we reached Hue refreshed, relaxed and ready to take on the new day, or to put it another way we slept, and slept for a very long time indeed.
The following day we booked a tour with the Hue riders, a group of experienced motocyclists that take you off of the beaten track and show you the highlights of Hue. They were all brought up locally so knew the area inside out which was great, we also had a guide each so between the three of us we looked like a warped episode of "Chips".
The first destination they took us to was an ancient monestary with 17 permanent monks who tend to the garden and seem to amble about for most of the day. We were fortunate or unfortunate enough to be invited in to watch their daily prayers. Whoppi Goldberg would have had a field day with these guys, they could all hold a note but unfortunately they were all different ones. It was very relaxing to watch them all but after 20 minutes our ears had decided it was time to escape and we continued on our merry way.
The rest of the day was spent driving around the various tombs and pagodas that are spread throughout the city, its a great place if you are into your history and although the sites havent been restored to chinese standards the sheer quantity more than makes up for this.
Our final stop was into one of the villages on the outskirts of Hue, it didnt seem like many tourists came to this part as we received a lot of attention from the locals, especially Tyler who the old ladies adored. They dragged him into the local museum and taught him how to make rice and flour as well as showing him all of the local fishing techniques.
It was a great day and the weather held out right up until we got dropped off which was a result!
We only had a couple of days in Hue but thanks to the Hue riders we saw far more than we had expected and after yet another 5 hour coach trip we have arrived safely in Hoi An to chill for a bit.
Tuesday, 9 November 2010
Old Fogies
Sunday 7th November
Sickness score:
Darren 2 - Pauline & Tyler 0
I finally get to win at something :-) It seems the food poisoning that I picked up in China was only waylayed whilst I was on the medication, as soon as that ran out its back with a vengence and I feel crappy!
A lot of hotels here have the facility to lull you out of your slumber by playing wake up music through their in house system, however ours has a rather more novel approach, we automatically get our wake up call at 05:30 when the builders philharmonic orchetra on the building site next to us, do their best to try to recreate Beethovens 5th Symphony using only a circular saw, electric drill and hammer.
Though not as musically gifted as the dead composer, they are relentless in their efforts to perfect their melody and practice throughout the day to ensure they get it just right.
Anyway now that I am yet again wide awake I figured I may as well take time out to update this thing again!
We are now back in Hanoi about to leave on a sleeper bus down to Hue for a couple of days, and its a journey I am not looking forward too to say the least. We got back from Monkey Island yesterday and on the bus home our driver got arrested for god knows what, then he got lost and we ended up 3 hours late back to our hotel (not ideal when you have food poisoning).
Monkey Island was great though, we were pretty much left to our own devices for most of our second day as they ferried the rest of the tourists off of the island first thing in the morning and didnt come back until the afternoon. We basically had our own desert island with a full compliment of staff to boot!
We all Kayaked around to the other beech so that we could watch the monkey's terrorise the tourists some more, it was great to see grown men run for their lives as a minature ape tried its best to relive him of whatever he could get his hands on!
When we got back to the resort the boat had brought the new tourists across and much to our delight it was two boatfuls of teenagers intent on partying through the night! Yipee!!!
I havent felt this old in a long time! So in true fogey style we retreated back to our cabin at an all together repectable 10pm and listened to the thumping drum and bass emenating from the club house for the remainder of the evening.
Sickness score:
Darren 2 - Pauline & Tyler 0
I finally get to win at something :-) It seems the food poisoning that I picked up in China was only waylayed whilst I was on the medication, as soon as that ran out its back with a vengence and I feel crappy!
A lot of hotels here have the facility to lull you out of your slumber by playing wake up music through their in house system, however ours has a rather more novel approach, we automatically get our wake up call at 05:30 when the builders philharmonic orchetra on the building site next to us, do their best to try to recreate Beethovens 5th Symphony using only a circular saw, electric drill and hammer.
Though not as musically gifted as the dead composer, they are relentless in their efforts to perfect their melody and practice throughout the day to ensure they get it just right.
Anyway now that I am yet again wide awake I figured I may as well take time out to update this thing again!
We are now back in Hanoi about to leave on a sleeper bus down to Hue for a couple of days, and its a journey I am not looking forward too to say the least. We got back from Monkey Island yesterday and on the bus home our driver got arrested for god knows what, then he got lost and we ended up 3 hours late back to our hotel (not ideal when you have food poisoning).
Monkey Island was great though, we were pretty much left to our own devices for most of our second day as they ferried the rest of the tourists off of the island first thing in the morning and didnt come back until the afternoon. We basically had our own desert island with a full compliment of staff to boot!
We all Kayaked around to the other beech so that we could watch the monkey's terrorise the tourists some more, it was great to see grown men run for their lives as a minature ape tried its best to relive him of whatever he could get his hands on!
When we got back to the resort the boat had brought the new tourists across and much to our delight it was two boatfuls of teenagers intent on partying through the night! Yipee!!!
I havent felt this old in a long time! So in true fogey style we retreated back to our cabin at an all together repectable 10pm and listened to the thumping drum and bass emenating from the club house for the remainder of the evening.
Saturday, 6 November 2010
Monkey's ahoy!
Thursday 4th November
Having slept for about 16 hours when we arrived I was feeling pretty good again! I had cleverly left one of our backpacks in the restaurant that we ate in when we arrived, I blame sleep deprivation but its more likely to be my general abscent mindedness if I am honest. Luckily they still had it the next day so yet another disaster averted for now, I just need to find them a little gift to say thank you!
Hanoi is a sprawling metropolis, slightly more touristy than the cities that we visited in China but with a great atmosphere to boot.
If Beijing is the city of bicycles then Hanoi can definately claim to be the city of mopeds, they are quite literally everywhere and they seem to be used in all facets of life, from transporting goods ranging from large crates to dead cows and for ferrying whole famalies around. There doesnt seem to be a limit to what you can fit on them and as health and safety seems to rank pretty low in all of asia they try to push the boundries of their capability as much as possible.
In order to cross any street you literally just have to take a very deep breath and plunge forward, the traffic instantly seperates around you so that you become your very own island. However, as everyone knows, mopeds have a tendancy of crashing into islands so its definately not a good idea to hang about and you can see signs of accidents everywhere you go.
When we had booked our hotel the facilities included a free big breakfast which as we have now discovered translates into two slices of small bread and a splodge of unidentifiable jam substance. Still elsewhere the food has been exceptional, we ate in one of the street cafes on seats that were too small for Tyler and tables that all of us had to stoop down towards in order of having a hope of getting food near our mouths.
The whole bill came to less than 4 pounds and that included 4 beers and a couple of cokes!
As I am writing this we are nestled up in a wooden hut on Monkey Island a small beach resort carved into one of the 3000 Cat Ba islands within Ha Long bay. The place is the permanent residence of 16 people and offers accomodation that caters for about 20 - 30 tourists.
The island has everything you could need, from volley ball and football right through to vietmanese Karaoke and old vietmanese gentlemen offering you a share of their bongs, which although I politely declined still seemed mighty nice of them.
Pauline and a few of the other guests took a kayak out to an adjacent island yesterday and watched the monkeys stealing all of the tourists valuables. Tyler and I had been there earlier in the day and the place was deserted so we were gutted to have missed it, however we have extended our stay by a day so hopefully will catch them later.
Prior to this we had spent our first night on a junk sailing through the bay, visiting the caves and kayaking which was great fun. Unfortunately we still havent run into any other families as yet to keep Tyler amused. By now his repatuare of jokes is wearing pretty thin but everyone seems to humour him and his delivery is definately improving somewhat.
Having slept for about 16 hours when we arrived I was feeling pretty good again! I had cleverly left one of our backpacks in the restaurant that we ate in when we arrived, I blame sleep deprivation but its more likely to be my general abscent mindedness if I am honest. Luckily they still had it the next day so yet another disaster averted for now, I just need to find them a little gift to say thank you!
Hanoi is a sprawling metropolis, slightly more touristy than the cities that we visited in China but with a great atmosphere to boot.
If Beijing is the city of bicycles then Hanoi can definately claim to be the city of mopeds, they are quite literally everywhere and they seem to be used in all facets of life, from transporting goods ranging from large crates to dead cows and for ferrying whole famalies around. There doesnt seem to be a limit to what you can fit on them and as health and safety seems to rank pretty low in all of asia they try to push the boundries of their capability as much as possible.
In order to cross any street you literally just have to take a very deep breath and plunge forward, the traffic instantly seperates around you so that you become your very own island. However, as everyone knows, mopeds have a tendancy of crashing into islands so its definately not a good idea to hang about and you can see signs of accidents everywhere you go.
When we had booked our hotel the facilities included a free big breakfast which as we have now discovered translates into two slices of small bread and a splodge of unidentifiable jam substance. Still elsewhere the food has been exceptional, we ate in one of the street cafes on seats that were too small for Tyler and tables that all of us had to stoop down towards in order of having a hope of getting food near our mouths.
The whole bill came to less than 4 pounds and that included 4 beers and a couple of cokes!
As I am writing this we are nestled up in a wooden hut on Monkey Island a small beach resort carved into one of the 3000 Cat Ba islands within Ha Long bay. The place is the permanent residence of 16 people and offers accomodation that caters for about 20 - 30 tourists.
The island has everything you could need, from volley ball and football right through to vietmanese Karaoke and old vietmanese gentlemen offering you a share of their bongs, which although I politely declined still seemed mighty nice of them.
Pauline and a few of the other guests took a kayak out to an adjacent island yesterday and watched the monkeys stealing all of the tourists valuables. Tyler and I had been there earlier in the day and the place was deserted so we were gutted to have missed it, however we have extended our stay by a day so hopefully will catch them later.
Prior to this we had spent our first night on a junk sailing through the bay, visiting the caves and kayaking which was great fun. Unfortunately we still havent run into any other families as yet to keep Tyler amused. By now his repatuare of jokes is wearing pretty thin but everyone seems to humour him and his delivery is definately improving somewhat.
Run, Forest Run!
Monday 1st November
Well we have made it into Vietnam with absolutely no thanks to the Chinese tour operators! We had contacted a guy called Forest who offered a deluxe sleeper bus from Guilin directly through to Hanoi. All seemed to be great, the website was professional and the reviews seemed to check out so we took a punt and went for it!
We were told that we would be picked up from our hostel and taken to the bus, technically this was a correct stateman as some guy came to meet us and then proceeded to drag us through the streets of Guilin before leaving us stranded outside a hotel. When he came back he hassled us to pay him as our luxury bus was just moments away, repeating the mantra "Don't you trust me" as we repeated "No" in unison. It was a pretty uncomfortable 20 minutes as he started to have arguments with his boss on the phone, but there was bugger all chance we were paying him unless we had transport.
Then we saw it. The ramshackle 1960s coach that careered around the corner had definately passed it hayday, not only did it have a distinct lack of sleeping facilities but also a distinct lack of available seats. With little other option we were eventually hearded onto the bus and the nice coach lady kicked three other unsuspecting people out of their seats so that we could sit down and brace ourselves for the 15 hour onslaught.
We had been lucky enough to get two seats together so I sat next to Tyler whilst Pauline sat with the randoms in a different row. As always Tyler took no time at all in making himself comfortable and was soon sprawled across both seats with his head nestled against my leg. This in itself sounds fine but the Romans never made it as far as Guilin so the roads are less than straight and extremely bumpy all the way.
So as I braced myself once again to be pummled by Tylers forehead whacking into my groin, whilst the man to my right used his elbows to gently and repeatedly fracture my ribs, I found inner peace by thinking of the various ways I would reek revenge on Forest. I had visions of wheilding a rather large implement and shoving it right up his.....
But wait, what was this, the bus had made a stop and we were ushered off, only to be told that we were to join the coach behind us. We looked tenteatively around the corner and to our surprise in all its gleaming glory there was a luxury sleeper bus with our names written all over it!
We couldnt have been happier and spent no time in getting settled in and trying to get some sleep after the 5 hour body massacre of the last bus. To say we were a little gutted when, after 3 hours, we were once again ushered out of the bus at the border is an understatement.
With no instructions and only a vague idea of what direction we should head in, we dutifully followed another group in the hope that we could make it across the border and board yet another bus through to Hanoi.
After going through umpteen security checks and hiking for 5 miles through a very scenic courtyard we emerged into vietnam with fresh anticipation, excited to see exactly what type of vehicle would be our saviour for the remainder of the trip.
We were a little perturbed when there wasnt one to say the least, by now having had less than a few hours sleep my sense of humour was pretty low and to top it off Tyler had just left his iPod on the last bus so I was less than pleased!
Still we plodded on and eventually found a small bus station, we showed them our ticket and they ushered us once again onto a mini bus. As it turns out the ticket wasnt valid on the bus they just wanted to fill it with as many tourists as possible, but the 3 hour journey cost us less than 3 pounds each so I guess we cant complain and the bus dropped us straight into the old quarter which meant no hassle at the bus station.
As we were already having a very lucky day we were so pleased to find out that we had booked the most difficult hotel to locate in all of Hanoi, that laid on a road that was too small to be on even the most detailed of maps. Ohh how we all laughed as we lugged all of our backpacks through the congested, manic streets of Hanoi, avoiding death at every intersection by milimeters.
Still, we are here in the hotel now, it has a lovely building site next to it which seems to operate 24 x 7 but I am too tired to care and I have to get some sleep so that I can dream about all the things I am going to do to Forest if I ever get my hands on him.
Well we have made it into Vietnam with absolutely no thanks to the Chinese tour operators! We had contacted a guy called Forest who offered a deluxe sleeper bus from Guilin directly through to Hanoi. All seemed to be great, the website was professional and the reviews seemed to check out so we took a punt and went for it!
We were told that we would be picked up from our hostel and taken to the bus, technically this was a correct stateman as some guy came to meet us and then proceeded to drag us through the streets of Guilin before leaving us stranded outside a hotel. When he came back he hassled us to pay him as our luxury bus was just moments away, repeating the mantra "Don't you trust me" as we repeated "No" in unison. It was a pretty uncomfortable 20 minutes as he started to have arguments with his boss on the phone, but there was bugger all chance we were paying him unless we had transport.
Then we saw it. The ramshackle 1960s coach that careered around the corner had definately passed it hayday, not only did it have a distinct lack of sleeping facilities but also a distinct lack of available seats. With little other option we were eventually hearded onto the bus and the nice coach lady kicked three other unsuspecting people out of their seats so that we could sit down and brace ourselves for the 15 hour onslaught.
We had been lucky enough to get two seats together so I sat next to Tyler whilst Pauline sat with the randoms in a different row. As always Tyler took no time at all in making himself comfortable and was soon sprawled across both seats with his head nestled against my leg. This in itself sounds fine but the Romans never made it as far as Guilin so the roads are less than straight and extremely bumpy all the way.
So as I braced myself once again to be pummled by Tylers forehead whacking into my groin, whilst the man to my right used his elbows to gently and repeatedly fracture my ribs, I found inner peace by thinking of the various ways I would reek revenge on Forest. I had visions of wheilding a rather large implement and shoving it right up his.....
But wait, what was this, the bus had made a stop and we were ushered off, only to be told that we were to join the coach behind us. We looked tenteatively around the corner and to our surprise in all its gleaming glory there was a luxury sleeper bus with our names written all over it!
We couldnt have been happier and spent no time in getting settled in and trying to get some sleep after the 5 hour body massacre of the last bus. To say we were a little gutted when, after 3 hours, we were once again ushered out of the bus at the border is an understatement.
With no instructions and only a vague idea of what direction we should head in, we dutifully followed another group in the hope that we could make it across the border and board yet another bus through to Hanoi.
After going through umpteen security checks and hiking for 5 miles through a very scenic courtyard we emerged into vietnam with fresh anticipation, excited to see exactly what type of vehicle would be our saviour for the remainder of the trip.
We were a little perturbed when there wasnt one to say the least, by now having had less than a few hours sleep my sense of humour was pretty low and to top it off Tyler had just left his iPod on the last bus so I was less than pleased!
Still we plodded on and eventually found a small bus station, we showed them our ticket and they ushered us once again onto a mini bus. As it turns out the ticket wasnt valid on the bus they just wanted to fill it with as many tourists as possible, but the 3 hour journey cost us less than 3 pounds each so I guess we cant complain and the bus dropped us straight into the old quarter which meant no hassle at the bus station.
As we were already having a very lucky day we were so pleased to find out that we had booked the most difficult hotel to locate in all of Hanoi, that laid on a road that was too small to be on even the most detailed of maps. Ohh how we all laughed as we lugged all of our backpacks through the congested, manic streets of Hanoi, avoiding death at every intersection by milimeters.
Still, we are here in the hotel now, it has a lovely building site next to it which seems to operate 24 x 7 but I am too tired to care and I have to get some sleep so that I can dream about all the things I am going to do to Forest if I ever get my hands on him.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)