Saturday 18th December
We are currently on our way to Kota Kinabulu having spent two days in the heart of the Brunei Jungle.
The place (Sumbling Eco Village) was literally in the middle of nowhere and had just three small wooden huts for accomodation and a communal area for food.
We were initially met off of the plane by the owner who proceeded to drive us to the port where we picked up a speed boat through to the local town.
It started raining enroute and I have absolutely no idea how we made it there alive as the boat sped around sharp turns and narrowly avoided rocks and trees whilst being unable to see through the windscreen.
Apparently its the rainy season here though so I guess they must be used to it by now.
We were met at the other end by two of the local guides from camp and whisked off to the village looking for all intents and purposes like a couple of flood victims.
We had wisely chosen to upgrade our initial tent accomodation to one of the wooden huts and whilst this may have been cheating to an extent it still had enough local wildlife inside to keep David Belamy amused for several hours.
We even had our very own frog that seemed to be the master of his domain, commandeering the only table in the room and delighting in jumping at your feet whenever you moved.
That night one of the local guides took us out on a night walk through the jungle and take it from me it is a terrifying experience.
Your imagination runs riot and you have visions of being set upon by wild animals or falling foul to one of the local snakes or spiders as you take every step in the pitch black.
Every time we saw a leaf move or stepped on a twig our hearts missed a couple of beats and a foul stench emenated all around that had nothing at all to do with the forest, if you catch my drift.
It was'nt until the following day that we discovered that our guide was terrified of snakes so would have been as useful as a chocolate fireguard if we had encountered one.
Luckily on this particular outing the only wildlife that we encountered were birds and stick instects but secretly I was quite relieved as its probably not good for a son to see his dad crying and running off into the distance.
An Australian couple joined us the next day for a trip to the national park and I got to realise one of my childhood dreams, to ride through dense jungle on a long boat.
It was totally exhilirating as he traversed the rapids, water spraying over your face, whilst always keeping your eyes peeled for snakes in the trees overhanging the boat.
Our first port of call was the tree canopy, a man made aluminium structure that defied the law of gravity and provided a 360 degree view of the jungle fron a somewhat daughnting height.
It was a heart attack enducing climb that had us all wringing out our shirts by the end of it but the view was spectacular and well worth the potential cardiac arrest.
We then headed to one of the local waterfalls and were still so hot that we all jumped in fully clothed with Tyler leading the pack.
The Australian couple looked somewhat bemused but at least it saves us doing laundry for an extra day :-)
On the way back to camp I spotted a huge Python swimming past the boat, it was massive and I was gutted that we could'nt stop and take pictures, much to Pauline's relief.
When we got back the manager allowed us to go tubing down the river which was awsome as it gave me another excuse to wind Pauline up about all of the snakes that she was going to encounter again.
Tyler lost his tube and it proceeded to navigate it's way through the rapids until it was out of sight, but hopefully the Smiths have provided the local snakes with a lazier way to cross the river down stream.
It was great to get away from everything for a few nights and whilst we won't miss the ants and numerous other winged beasties, we will definately miss the village and its fantastic staff.
Sunday, 26 December 2010
Wednesday, 15 December 2010
Cambodia can be taxing!
Wednesday 15th december
A few mere months ago I used to travel quite a lot. In general this usually meant picking up a business class air fare to some distant shore, jumping into a taxi on route to a five star hotel and dining in some of the best restaurants the country had to offer.
I choose to reflect on this now as I sit here in our dorn room which is furnished with 4 very old wrought iron beds with wafer thin matresses, two windows (without curtains or blinds) that close half way and strip lighting that flickers slightly throughout the night.
Having just had a freezing cold shower in one of the 4 available shared toilets (the shower is located directly above the toilet to save space but means you get soaked any time you just need to pee) and still slightly hungry after eating in one of the local cheap food courts, I cant help wondering where it all went wrong :-)
In all honesty though, I love it!
We have stayed at so many different types of accomodation on this journey and I think over time it has hardened us slighty to the point where we now just take it all in our stride.
The people have been amazing without exception and instead of the air of protentiousness that one finds in many of the high class establishments there seems to be an air of anticipation amoungst those we have encountered.
In general most people are survivng on less than minimum wage yet still manage to have the most amazing experiences cultrurally, culinary and emotionally.
Anyway, sorry for that monologue, back to the blog :-)
Although it surprises me to say this we were all very sad to leave Cambodia.
However in order to ensure that you remember it the local government has devised a cunning goodbye present for everyone in the form of a leaving tax that each traveler has to pay at the airport.
I hadnt been aware of this ahead of time so the $65 charge for the three of us came as quite a shock and basically equates to 3 nights accomodation in most of the places we have been.
Our last few days in Cambodia were pretty uneventful, we made our way through to Kep which is a quiet sea side resort and after trying multiple hotels which were fully booked managed to find the optimistically named Kep Seaside Resort.
Rooms were $10 a night which included a cold shower and as many mosquitos as you could handle but it was comfotable and had a great view over the sea.
We met a few travellers there who were in love with Kep but to be honest there wasnt a great amount there except for a spattering of local bars and restaurants.
I had originally wanted to go to Bokor Hill the site of a once majestic casino and hotel that was heavily hit by the war and has been turned into a ghost town, apparently it was the location for the final scenes of "City of Ghosts" so every traveler that we met informed us, but not having seen the film it means nothing to me.
Its meant to be real spooky and unfortunately will be knocked down in a few months as the local petroleum company has brought the land and intend to build another faceless resort there.
Also unfortunately, although we had been told by multiple travellers that it was located very close to Kep its actually a pretty long way away and we should have stayed in Kampot, a city that we had passed 2 hours earlier which is much closer.
So instead we decided to head out to Rabbit island which was great and well worth the visit but unfortunately because we were pushed for time we only stayed for the day before heading back to Phnom Penh in search of a copy of "City of Ghosts".
We have now made it into Kuala Lumpur for a few days and the hostel is in a great location in the middle of chinatown right next to the nightmarket where you can by "genuine" fakes of every brand imaginable.
Last night we headed for Asia's largest indoor theme park (for all I know it is probably Asia's only indoor theme park) which was located in one of the cities many shopping malls.
Once again Tyler was about an inch too short to go on any of the really decent rides but Pauline and I took turns to do the roller coaster and a couple of other thrill rides whilst Tyler was content with the bumper cars (I think I may have to get him go kart lessons as he is a natural), and some spinny round thing that reminded me of the tilt-o-puke from the simpsons.
We are going to go exploring today before heading out to Brunei in the morning for our 2 day jungle trek!
A few mere months ago I used to travel quite a lot. In general this usually meant picking up a business class air fare to some distant shore, jumping into a taxi on route to a five star hotel and dining in some of the best restaurants the country had to offer.
I choose to reflect on this now as I sit here in our dorn room which is furnished with 4 very old wrought iron beds with wafer thin matresses, two windows (without curtains or blinds) that close half way and strip lighting that flickers slightly throughout the night.
Having just had a freezing cold shower in one of the 4 available shared toilets (the shower is located directly above the toilet to save space but means you get soaked any time you just need to pee) and still slightly hungry after eating in one of the local cheap food courts, I cant help wondering where it all went wrong :-)
In all honesty though, I love it!
We have stayed at so many different types of accomodation on this journey and I think over time it has hardened us slighty to the point where we now just take it all in our stride.
The people have been amazing without exception and instead of the air of protentiousness that one finds in many of the high class establishments there seems to be an air of anticipation amoungst those we have encountered.
In general most people are survivng on less than minimum wage yet still manage to have the most amazing experiences cultrurally, culinary and emotionally.
Anyway, sorry for that monologue, back to the blog :-)
Although it surprises me to say this we were all very sad to leave Cambodia.
However in order to ensure that you remember it the local government has devised a cunning goodbye present for everyone in the form of a leaving tax that each traveler has to pay at the airport.
I hadnt been aware of this ahead of time so the $65 charge for the three of us came as quite a shock and basically equates to 3 nights accomodation in most of the places we have been.
Our last few days in Cambodia were pretty uneventful, we made our way through to Kep which is a quiet sea side resort and after trying multiple hotels which were fully booked managed to find the optimistically named Kep Seaside Resort.
Rooms were $10 a night which included a cold shower and as many mosquitos as you could handle but it was comfotable and had a great view over the sea.
We met a few travellers there who were in love with Kep but to be honest there wasnt a great amount there except for a spattering of local bars and restaurants.
I had originally wanted to go to Bokor Hill the site of a once majestic casino and hotel that was heavily hit by the war and has been turned into a ghost town, apparently it was the location for the final scenes of "City of Ghosts" so every traveler that we met informed us, but not having seen the film it means nothing to me.
Its meant to be real spooky and unfortunately will be knocked down in a few months as the local petroleum company has brought the land and intend to build another faceless resort there.
Also unfortunately, although we had been told by multiple travellers that it was located very close to Kep its actually a pretty long way away and we should have stayed in Kampot, a city that we had passed 2 hours earlier which is much closer.
So instead we decided to head out to Rabbit island which was great and well worth the visit but unfortunately because we were pushed for time we only stayed for the day before heading back to Phnom Penh in search of a copy of "City of Ghosts".
We have now made it into Kuala Lumpur for a few days and the hostel is in a great location in the middle of chinatown right next to the nightmarket where you can by "genuine" fakes of every brand imaginable.
Last night we headed for Asia's largest indoor theme park (for all I know it is probably Asia's only indoor theme park) which was located in one of the cities many shopping malls.
Once again Tyler was about an inch too short to go on any of the really decent rides but Pauline and I took turns to do the roller coaster and a couple of other thrill rides whilst Tyler was content with the bumper cars (I think I may have to get him go kart lessons as he is a natural), and some spinny round thing that reminded me of the tilt-o-puke from the simpsons.
We are going to go exploring today before heading out to Brunei in the morning for our 2 day jungle trek!
Friday, 10 December 2010
Me want Bamboo
Saturday 11th December
We are now about to head out from Sihanoukville and for anyone bored enough to still be reading this, I cannot recommend it enough.
We were initially concerned about entering Cambodia but it has been by far our greatest experience to date offering everything that you could possibly want for a holiday destination.
We spent a few days in Sihanoukville itself that has long winding sandy beaches full of sun loungers and restaurants.
It is chock full of touts hawking a wide variety of tat from fake sun glasses and bracelets through to in place massages.
On the day that we arrived I was casually sitting on my lounger when one of the later touts decided it would be great fun to introduce me to the wonderful world of threading.
Threading (or "sadistic unrelentant pain" as it should be called) is a process whereby two pieces of string are twisted between the fingers of the torturer and then rubbed up and down various parts of your anatomy, ripping out hairs from their folicles as they go.
My particular tout went by the name of Annie and took great pleasure in listening to my whelps of agony as she proudly tour apart my back, thus insuring no life will ever grow there again.
For the first time ever I started to appreciate the high tolerance that women have for pain in the line of beauty as Pauline sat there for 2 hours getting her legs done without flinching once.
Once the pain had subsided (or the alcohol started to kick in) we made our way down the beach with my shiny new back back blinding all onloookers, to a section that housed giant inflatables.
That was the last time we saw Tyler that day, the things were swamped with kids and he had a whale of a time risking death or injury by throwing himself off of giant slides and trampolines.
The next day we headed off to Bamboo island, a fantastic little tropical paradise about an hours boat ride from the mainland.
We had been advised to go here by a few travellers that we had met in Vietnam as the island itself has just been brought by a large American company and will shortly be closing its doors to backpackers forever.
This already sounded like a nightmare but once we stepped foot on the island we realised that it was far more than this.
What the residents had built up there was something special, with a natural ambience that many have tried to recreate all over the world but have fallen far short.
Everyone we ran into were relaxed to the point of unconciousness and at $15 a night for a bungalow many people were staying here for the long run.
The island had about 10 bungalows, a dorm and a bar, other than that you were left to your own devices to go off exploring, snorkel in the crystal clear waters or just veg.
The majority of the tourists seemed to have opted for the last option and we soon found ourselves at the bar for long swaiths of time just enjoying the chilled out music and cheap beer.
The bungalows were situated right on the sea front and although it should have been relaxing to hear the waves crashing all night it was so loud that it woke us up on several occasions.
When we were packing up I spotted the biggest spider that I have ever seen in my life just behind tylers bed, the thing was the size of my fist and I jumped out of my skin, when we mentioned it to the locals they simply said, "yeah you dont want to get bitten by one of them" which was reassuring.
In a little over three weeks the bull dozers are going to be moving in and whilst I am sure that the ultimate result will be something special it could never recreate its predecessor, not that I will ever find out because it will be out of our price range.
We are now headed to Kep just down the coast with nowhere to stay and no idea where the hell we are going after that!
We are now about to head out from Sihanoukville and for anyone bored enough to still be reading this, I cannot recommend it enough.
We were initially concerned about entering Cambodia but it has been by far our greatest experience to date offering everything that you could possibly want for a holiday destination.
We spent a few days in Sihanoukville itself that has long winding sandy beaches full of sun loungers and restaurants.
It is chock full of touts hawking a wide variety of tat from fake sun glasses and bracelets through to in place massages.
On the day that we arrived I was casually sitting on my lounger when one of the later touts decided it would be great fun to introduce me to the wonderful world of threading.
Threading (or "sadistic unrelentant pain" as it should be called) is a process whereby two pieces of string are twisted between the fingers of the torturer and then rubbed up and down various parts of your anatomy, ripping out hairs from their folicles as they go.
My particular tout went by the name of Annie and took great pleasure in listening to my whelps of agony as she proudly tour apart my back, thus insuring no life will ever grow there again.
For the first time ever I started to appreciate the high tolerance that women have for pain in the line of beauty as Pauline sat there for 2 hours getting her legs done without flinching once.
Once the pain had subsided (or the alcohol started to kick in) we made our way down the beach with my shiny new back back blinding all onloookers, to a section that housed giant inflatables.
That was the last time we saw Tyler that day, the things were swamped with kids and he had a whale of a time risking death or injury by throwing himself off of giant slides and trampolines.
The next day we headed off to Bamboo island, a fantastic little tropical paradise about an hours boat ride from the mainland.
We had been advised to go here by a few travellers that we had met in Vietnam as the island itself has just been brought by a large American company and will shortly be closing its doors to backpackers forever.
This already sounded like a nightmare but once we stepped foot on the island we realised that it was far more than this.
What the residents had built up there was something special, with a natural ambience that many have tried to recreate all over the world but have fallen far short.
Everyone we ran into were relaxed to the point of unconciousness and at $15 a night for a bungalow many people were staying here for the long run.
The island had about 10 bungalows, a dorm and a bar, other than that you were left to your own devices to go off exploring, snorkel in the crystal clear waters or just veg.
The majority of the tourists seemed to have opted for the last option and we soon found ourselves at the bar for long swaiths of time just enjoying the chilled out music and cheap beer.
The bungalows were situated right on the sea front and although it should have been relaxing to hear the waves crashing all night it was so loud that it woke us up on several occasions.
When we were packing up I spotted the biggest spider that I have ever seen in my life just behind tylers bed, the thing was the size of my fist and I jumped out of my skin, when we mentioned it to the locals they simply said, "yeah you dont want to get bitten by one of them" which was reassuring.
In a little over three weeks the bull dozers are going to be moving in and whilst I am sure that the ultimate result will be something special it could never recreate its predecessor, not that I will ever find out because it will be out of our price range.
We are now headed to Kep just down the coast with nowhere to stay and no idea where the hell we are going after that!
Monday, 6 December 2010
4 Massages and a temple
Monday 6th December
After yet another interesting night bus, we have just arrived at sihanoukville on the southern coast of Cambodia where we will probably once again sleep for the majority of the day.
We spent 4 days in Siem Reap and it really wasn't long enough, the place is amazing with great restaurants, markets and loads of tourist activities to keep you amused.
Obviously the biggest of which is Angkor Wat the ancient temple complex situated about 4 miles from the city centre. We spent a day there with a local guide and whilst we probably only glimpsed the tip of the ice berg, it still provided a great introduction to what is one of the worlds most sacred sites.
The architecture is truly unbelievable, especially considering the lengths that the indigenous people had to go to in order to obtain, relocate and sculpt the rock into the marvels that stand today.
Whilst having a tour guide was definitely a benefit ours seemed to be engrossed in the mythological aspects surrounding the site and went to great lengths to impart this knowledge onto us at every available opportunity.
At one point he spent an hour relaying the story of queen Raja's struggle against the monkey warriors, a tale that was promptly forgotten, aided by the fact that we only understood every third word.
However to give him credit he provided us with a lot of knowledge about the site itself and without him we would have been wondering around aimlessly like so many of the other tourists that we bumped into along the way.
I could have easily spent multiple days there but after around 6 hours of walking Tyler had well and truly lost the will to live, after all there are only so many temples one can endure at 8 years old.
The following day we went on a quad bike adventure to watch the sunset over the paddy fields, the ride was great and the bikes couldn't have been more than a couple of months old.
We rode through multiple villages and the local children flooded out of their houses to wave and practice their English skills.
I am totally gutted that I don't have a decent camera here, the Cambodians are definitely not camera shy and always seem to have a broad grin on their faces.
When we had any spare time we filled it by getting massages, we even convinced Tyler to try it and now he is addicted, we have had Dr fish feet massages, back neck and shoulder massages, foot massages and 4 hand Khmer massages as well as the obligatory full body.
I even had ear candling which is a very unnerving procedure whereby they stick a tube into your ear then stick a candle into the tube that goes off like a sparkler. It's the weirdest sensation to have all external noise muted out and the only thing you can hear is the burning flame descending rapidly towards your earlobe.
To make matters worse we happened to be in the middle of the night market and the chairs were outside in the open which meant all passers by could bare witness to the stupidly fearful look that I had adopted whilst my head was draped in a towel with what looked like a tube of dynamite in my ear.
Not to be spared any scrap of humility Pauline convinced me to have a cut throat shave whilst I was there, normally a pretty straight forward procedure, however after they had finished they cut long strands of cucumber and stuck it all over my head turning me into a veggie mummy and thus completing my journey through the annuls of embarrassment.
Anyone that had stood around for long enough would surely have a wealth of footage that could be used against me for the rest of my life.
After yet another interesting night bus, we have just arrived at sihanoukville on the southern coast of Cambodia where we will probably once again sleep for the majority of the day.
We spent 4 days in Siem Reap and it really wasn't long enough, the place is amazing with great restaurants, markets and loads of tourist activities to keep you amused.
Obviously the biggest of which is Angkor Wat the ancient temple complex situated about 4 miles from the city centre. We spent a day there with a local guide and whilst we probably only glimpsed the tip of the ice berg, it still provided a great introduction to what is one of the worlds most sacred sites.
The architecture is truly unbelievable, especially considering the lengths that the indigenous people had to go to in order to obtain, relocate and sculpt the rock into the marvels that stand today.
Whilst having a tour guide was definitely a benefit ours seemed to be engrossed in the mythological aspects surrounding the site and went to great lengths to impart this knowledge onto us at every available opportunity.
At one point he spent an hour relaying the story of queen Raja's struggle against the monkey warriors, a tale that was promptly forgotten, aided by the fact that we only understood every third word.
However to give him credit he provided us with a lot of knowledge about the site itself and without him we would have been wondering around aimlessly like so many of the other tourists that we bumped into along the way.
I could have easily spent multiple days there but after around 6 hours of walking Tyler had well and truly lost the will to live, after all there are only so many temples one can endure at 8 years old.
The following day we went on a quad bike adventure to watch the sunset over the paddy fields, the ride was great and the bikes couldn't have been more than a couple of months old.
We rode through multiple villages and the local children flooded out of their houses to wave and practice their English skills.
I am totally gutted that I don't have a decent camera here, the Cambodians are definitely not camera shy and always seem to have a broad grin on their faces.
When we had any spare time we filled it by getting massages, we even convinced Tyler to try it and now he is addicted, we have had Dr fish feet massages, back neck and shoulder massages, foot massages and 4 hand Khmer massages as well as the obligatory full body.
I even had ear candling which is a very unnerving procedure whereby they stick a tube into your ear then stick a candle into the tube that goes off like a sparkler. It's the weirdest sensation to have all external noise muted out and the only thing you can hear is the burning flame descending rapidly towards your earlobe.
To make matters worse we happened to be in the middle of the night market and the chairs were outside in the open which meant all passers by could bare witness to the stupidly fearful look that I had adopted whilst my head was draped in a towel with what looked like a tube of dynamite in my ear.
Not to be spared any scrap of humility Pauline convinced me to have a cut throat shave whilst I was there, normally a pretty straight forward procedure, however after they had finished they cut long strands of cucumber and stuck it all over my head turning me into a veggie mummy and thus completing my journey through the annuls of embarrassment.
Anyone that had stood around for long enough would surely have a wealth of footage that could be used against me for the rest of my life.
Wednesday, 1 December 2010
When we was in 'Nam
Thursday 2nd December
OK so I have been a little remiss in updating this of late, time has flown over the last week and there just never seems to be enough hours in the day. We are now in Siem Reap, Cambodia, however I thought that in keeping with tradition I would dedicate this post to some of the observations that we made during our time in Vietnam.
1. Everyone is soooo bloody friendly, even when they are blatantly ripping you off they maintain a cool air of kindness and never lose their amiable smile. You get the feeling that everyone is genuinely happy that you chose to visit Vietnam and whilst they are still a fledgling tourist destination when compared to their neighbouring countries they are learning fast and will be on par in no time at all.
2. The Vietnamese are resolute and steadfast in their determination not to move out of the way of oncoming traffic. Its the only place that we have visited where a pedestrian can literally halt a charging coach and pay no regard to its drivers torrent of beeps or profanities and the moped drivers are even worse. This normally results in a cacophany of horn blasts emenating from every concievable direction creating a cingular elongated beep that covers every audiable range. If horns ran on petrol then the people of vietnam would be very poor indeed and probably could'nt travel more than a mile a year.
3. From what we have seen the locals are completely addicted to Karaoke, however unlike other places we have visited they are bereft of even a small amount of talent. This however does nothing to disuade them as they flock en masse to the microphone to belt out some ominous sounding tune, out of key, on the locally provided 2000 watt surround sound systems that seem to be installed in almost every building.
4. The coach drivers are mental full stop.
5. The country is absolutely beautiful, with such a diverse landscape that you could easily vacation here every year and never once get bored, that is of course if you survive the coach journey there. All around are signs that some of the major tourist companies are fast moving in and unfortunately some of the smaller, cosier establishments are shortly going to be turned into mass produced faceless resorts that will be out of the price range of most locals and backpackers.
Anyway, we are now in Cambodia and after two days of travelling have reached Siam Reap. I am pleased to report that the coach journey was both smooth and uneventful and thus far everything has been exceptional. The guest house we are staying in could easily pass for a 5 star hotel back home and after one of the best sleeps of our trip we are ready to go out and do some exploring.
OK so I have been a little remiss in updating this of late, time has flown over the last week and there just never seems to be enough hours in the day. We are now in Siem Reap, Cambodia, however I thought that in keeping with tradition I would dedicate this post to some of the observations that we made during our time in Vietnam.
1. Everyone is soooo bloody friendly, even when they are blatantly ripping you off they maintain a cool air of kindness and never lose their amiable smile. You get the feeling that everyone is genuinely happy that you chose to visit Vietnam and whilst they are still a fledgling tourist destination when compared to their neighbouring countries they are learning fast and will be on par in no time at all.
2. The Vietnamese are resolute and steadfast in their determination not to move out of the way of oncoming traffic. Its the only place that we have visited where a pedestrian can literally halt a charging coach and pay no regard to its drivers torrent of beeps or profanities and the moped drivers are even worse. This normally results in a cacophany of horn blasts emenating from every concievable direction creating a cingular elongated beep that covers every audiable range. If horns ran on petrol then the people of vietnam would be very poor indeed and probably could'nt travel more than a mile a year.
3. From what we have seen the locals are completely addicted to Karaoke, however unlike other places we have visited they are bereft of even a small amount of talent. This however does nothing to disuade them as they flock en masse to the microphone to belt out some ominous sounding tune, out of key, on the locally provided 2000 watt surround sound systems that seem to be installed in almost every building.
4. The coach drivers are mental full stop.
5. The country is absolutely beautiful, with such a diverse landscape that you could easily vacation here every year and never once get bored, that is of course if you survive the coach journey there. All around are signs that some of the major tourist companies are fast moving in and unfortunately some of the smaller, cosier establishments are shortly going to be turned into mass produced faceless resorts that will be out of the price range of most locals and backpackers.
Anyway, we are now in Cambodia and after two days of travelling have reached Siam Reap. I am pleased to report that the coach journey was both smooth and uneventful and thus far everything has been exceptional. The guest house we are staying in could easily pass for a 5 star hotel back home and after one of the best sleeps of our trip we are ready to go out and do some exploring.
Sunday, 28 November 2010
Happy Birthday Tyler!!!
Sunday 28th November
Yesterday was Tylers 8th birthday and I feel old :-(
As a treat we took him to the Dai Nam Van Hein complex that in the words of wikipedia "
is expected to be the biggest park and tourist destination in the country by 2010". The fact that nobody in Ho Chi Minh had even heard of it should have raised some alarm bells but we persevered regardless.
Yesterday was Tylers 8th birthday and I feel old :-(
As a treat we took him to the Dai Nam Van Hein complex that in the words of wikipedia "
is expected to be the biggest park and tourist destination in the country by 2010". The fact that nobody in Ho Chi Minh had even heard of it should have raised some alarm bells but we persevered regardless.
Monday, 22 November 2010
Yet another hole I have managed to get myself into
Monday 22nd November
Today I had one of those experiences that most men would be very jealous of indeed. I got to enter an extremely tight, extremely hot hole and then shoot!
For those of you without filthy minds, I am of course reffering to the Cu Chi tunnels that were used by the Vietcong during the war, a labyrinth of interconnecting passageways that run some 250kms across the region.
The entrance of which was only 30cms x 60cms and at their tallest were around 1.2meters high, yet the local people lived in them for years and still managed to fit in a hospital, dining room and meeting rooms.
We all got to go through one of the larger passages which was still only just large enough to squeeze through in certain places but was a great experience none the less.
At the end they took us through to the shooting range where you could buy a round of real ammunition for anything from a small hand gun to something they reffered to as "the one from Rambo" which was a beast.
I plummed for the AK47 (only because it was the only one I actually recognised the name of) and confidently stepped up to the firing line.
The noise all around was defening and only those fortunate enough to be given ear mufflers from the start were spared and for once I was one of the lucky ones.
I have never been a gun fan and this did little to change that, however there is definately something to be said about weilding that kind of power in your hands and after the first shot you automatically adopt a child like grin on your face.
Unfortunately I have absolutely no idea how well I did, I got through my ammo (see now I can use all of these newfangled technical terms) in about 30 seconds without once seeing exactly where any of the bullets went.
They had told us to aim at a target at the end of the range and whilst I lined everything up to the best of my very limited ability, you really couldnt tell if you were even close to hitting the thing.
Apparently the target was shaped like a bear but it could very well have been pretty much anything from where I was standing and for all I know I may have taken out any number of other things during this short but somewhat satisfying process.
On the way back we passed a bakery (well at least I think it was from the bread outside) and I couldnt help but make a note of the name, thinking that it provided a very good example of how our languages are so phonetically different.
If you happen to ever find yourselves on the outskirts of Ho Chi Minh are in the market for some sort of savory bread like substance then perhaps you too could choose the "Phuc Hung Long Dong" outlet to meet your culinary requirements.
I had another massage yesterday and it was one of the best I have ever had yet cost less than £2. At one point the young lady had interlocked her legs around my waist and used her arms to swing my back around until it cracked, a feeling like no other I can assure you.
It wasnt until I went to pay that I noticed the distinct lack of clothing that this particular establishment had deemed fit to make their uniform of choice. Pauline and Tyler had been sitting in reception waiting for me to finish and apparently one of the girls had bent down in front of them and winked at them with her one eye if you catch my meaning.
Unfortunately if you cast your mind back just a few sentances, you will remember that my masseuse had literally had her crutch stuck to my back and now I am concerned that it may not have been baby oil that she was rubbing into my spine.
I was lucky that she didnt get vacuum sucked there permanently but had'nt thought to ask if she was wearing underwear prior to our very legitamate engagement, I guess the only way to know for sure would be to go back there again. Its always good to provide as thorough an account as possible and we obviously want to ensure that we get all of the facts right!
Today I had one of those experiences that most men would be very jealous of indeed. I got to enter an extremely tight, extremely hot hole and then shoot!
For those of you without filthy minds, I am of course reffering to the Cu Chi tunnels that were used by the Vietcong during the war, a labyrinth of interconnecting passageways that run some 250kms across the region.
The entrance of which was only 30cms x 60cms and at their tallest were around 1.2meters high, yet the local people lived in them for years and still managed to fit in a hospital, dining room and meeting rooms.
We all got to go through one of the larger passages which was still only just large enough to squeeze through in certain places but was a great experience none the less.
At the end they took us through to the shooting range where you could buy a round of real ammunition for anything from a small hand gun to something they reffered to as "the one from Rambo" which was a beast.
I plummed for the AK47 (only because it was the only one I actually recognised the name of) and confidently stepped up to the firing line.
The noise all around was defening and only those fortunate enough to be given ear mufflers from the start were spared and for once I was one of the lucky ones.
I have never been a gun fan and this did little to change that, however there is definately something to be said about weilding that kind of power in your hands and after the first shot you automatically adopt a child like grin on your face.
Unfortunately I have absolutely no idea how well I did, I got through my ammo (see now I can use all of these newfangled technical terms) in about 30 seconds without once seeing exactly where any of the bullets went.
They had told us to aim at a target at the end of the range and whilst I lined everything up to the best of my very limited ability, you really couldnt tell if you were even close to hitting the thing.
Apparently the target was shaped like a bear but it could very well have been pretty much anything from where I was standing and for all I know I may have taken out any number of other things during this short but somewhat satisfying process.
On the way back we passed a bakery (well at least I think it was from the bread outside) and I couldnt help but make a note of the name, thinking that it provided a very good example of how our languages are so phonetically different.
If you happen to ever find yourselves on the outskirts of Ho Chi Minh are in the market for some sort of savory bread like substance then perhaps you too could choose the "Phuc Hung Long Dong" outlet to meet your culinary requirements.
I had another massage yesterday and it was one of the best I have ever had yet cost less than £2. At one point the young lady had interlocked her legs around my waist and used her arms to swing my back around until it cracked, a feeling like no other I can assure you.
It wasnt until I went to pay that I noticed the distinct lack of clothing that this particular establishment had deemed fit to make their uniform of choice. Pauline and Tyler had been sitting in reception waiting for me to finish and apparently one of the girls had bent down in front of them and winked at them with her one eye if you catch my meaning.
Unfortunately if you cast your mind back just a few sentances, you will remember that my masseuse had literally had her crutch stuck to my back and now I am concerned that it may not have been baby oil that she was rubbing into my spine.
I was lucky that she didnt get vacuum sucked there permanently but had'nt thought to ask if she was wearing underwear prior to our very legitamate engagement, I guess the only way to know for sure would be to go back there again. Its always good to provide as thorough an account as possible and we obviously want to ensure that we get all of the facts right!
Saturday, 20 November 2010
Vietnamese Engine Tuning!
Saturday 20th November
There is a strange phenomenon within Vietnam that I don't recollect ever encountering in other countries. For some reason the powers that be thought that it would be advantageous for the country to equip large vehicles with melodies when they reverse instead of merely just beeping.
The thing is that the last thought that crosses most people minds when they hear "Happy Birthday" is to dive out of the way of a reversing HGV as it careers down the path towards them.
Also rather
We have now made it to Ho Chi Minch City (formerly Saigon) on another memorable bus journey, this time however our luxury air conditioned sleeper bus with toilet, turned out to be a ford transit mini van.
Tyler and I had the misfortune of claiming the front seats for the 7 hour journey, an experience that could only be equalled if you were willing to swap places with a crash test dummy for the day.
In the UK if you were to have a near miss on the roads you would be having heart palpitations for the rest of the day.
On this single journey we must have had at least 20 and the driver didnt even raise an eyebrow yet alone react in any other physical manner, it just seems to be a daily occurence.
By the end of the journey there were very large imprints of my hands visible on the dashboard and I am pretty sure a large dent in the floor where I was trying to break every other second.
In between trying not to watch our kamikazee driver trying to accomplish his mission I thought I would make a note of some of the things we spotted on the back of peoples mopeds, please bare in mind that these are just standard mopeds no different from what we would get back home:
One large dead pig
One cage with 15 dogs
20 birds in seperate bird cages
3 goats
4 cages full of chickens
Stack of 20 ft Bamboo poles strapped to the back of the seat with an ingenious wheel at the other end
10 ft x 6 ft billboard advertising "OMO" Washing powder
10 ft wooden ladder held vertically
This helped to take our mind off of impending carnage for a while and unbelievably somehow we made it relatively unscathed once again.
Da Lat had been an interesting town, the weather wasnt great but whilst we were there we organised a jeep tour of the countryside with one of the couples from our hotel who shall now forever be known as "those germans" because we always forget to ask peoples names.
The tour took in 6 of the sites that were near to the town including the elephant waterfall which was incredible, if only for the complete and utter lack of health and safety.
The waterfall itself was an amazing site to behold, however in order to get there you had to walk down a series of very muddy, very wet rocks that looked as though they could cut you alive just by touching them.
The path lulls you into a false sense of security for the first 20 meters because someone has very kindly added a metal railing, however after this disappears you are on your own and its a very long way down.
My advice though for what its worth is dont give up, the views are spectacular and you can actually climb through a cave and get right underneath it which is awsome and very very wet indeed.
We also got to savor the local rice wine which apparently you are only meant to sip it but I had downed mine before anyone mentioned that bit, which was about the same time they informed me that it was 65% proof and my mouth went numb.
I was suddenly overwheled with a desire to go and drive a sleeper bus a high speed but managed to resist the urge for now!
One cant help wondering if the funeral Herses play "Another one bites the dust" by Queen but this is perhaps taking it a little too far and probably explains why I wasnt involved in the decision making process.
bizarrely the garbage collection vehicles all play "Its a small world after all" from Walt Disney, perhaps there is a deeper meaning to this song that I am unaware of but either way I would have loved to have been in the board meeting where that one was decided.
There is a strange phenomenon within Vietnam that I don't recollect ever encountering in other countries. For some reason the powers that be thought that it would be advantageous for the country to equip large vehicles with melodies when they reverse instead of merely just beeping.
The thing is that the last thought that crosses most people minds when they hear "Happy Birthday" is to dive out of the way of a reversing HGV as it careers down the path towards them.
Also rather
We have now made it to Ho Chi Minch City (formerly Saigon) on another memorable bus journey, this time however our luxury air conditioned sleeper bus with toilet, turned out to be a ford transit mini van.
Tyler and I had the misfortune of claiming the front seats for the 7 hour journey, an experience that could only be equalled if you were willing to swap places with a crash test dummy for the day.
In the UK if you were to have a near miss on the roads you would be having heart palpitations for the rest of the day.
On this single journey we must have had at least 20 and the driver didnt even raise an eyebrow yet alone react in any other physical manner, it just seems to be a daily occurence.
By the end of the journey there were very large imprints of my hands visible on the dashboard and I am pretty sure a large dent in the floor where I was trying to break every other second.
In between trying not to watch our kamikazee driver trying to accomplish his mission I thought I would make a note of some of the things we spotted on the back of peoples mopeds, please bare in mind that these are just standard mopeds no different from what we would get back home:
One large dead pig
One cage with 15 dogs
20 birds in seperate bird cages
3 goats
4 cages full of chickens
Stack of 20 ft Bamboo poles strapped to the back of the seat with an ingenious wheel at the other end
10 ft x 6 ft billboard advertising "OMO" Washing powder
10 ft wooden ladder held vertically
This helped to take our mind off of impending carnage for a while and unbelievably somehow we made it relatively unscathed once again.
Da Lat had been an interesting town, the weather wasnt great but whilst we were there we organised a jeep tour of the countryside with one of the couples from our hotel who shall now forever be known as "those germans" because we always forget to ask peoples names.
The tour took in 6 of the sites that were near to the town including the elephant waterfall which was incredible, if only for the complete and utter lack of health and safety.
The waterfall itself was an amazing site to behold, however in order to get there you had to walk down a series of very muddy, very wet rocks that looked as though they could cut you alive just by touching them.
The path lulls you into a false sense of security for the first 20 meters because someone has very kindly added a metal railing, however after this disappears you are on your own and its a very long way down.
My advice though for what its worth is dont give up, the views are spectacular and you can actually climb through a cave and get right underneath it which is awsome and very very wet indeed.
We also got to savor the local rice wine which apparently you are only meant to sip it but I had downed mine before anyone mentioned that bit, which was about the same time they informed me that it was 65% proof and my mouth went numb.
I was suddenly overwheled with a desire to go and drive a sleeper bus a high speed but managed to resist the urge for now!
One cant help wondering if the funeral Herses play "Another one bites the dust" by Queen but this is perhaps taking it a little too far and probably explains why I wasnt involved in the decision making process.
bizarrely the garbage collection vehicles all play "Its a small world after all" from Walt Disney, perhaps there is a deeper meaning to this song that I am unaware of but either way I would have loved to have been in the board meeting where that one was decided.
Tuesday, 16 November 2010
Black Eyed Peas
Wednesday 17th November
Its been a few days since the last update, Nha Trang has been fantastic, well except for one minor little issue that is.
We spent the day at Vinpearl island which consists of a theme park, water park and a splattering of shops and restauants. We were having a whale of a time at the waterpark, there were loads of slides, wave machines and the weather was fantastic.
However there was one slide in particular that Tyler had been dying to go on, it was the "Family Slide" a steep slope where you jumped into a 6 seater dinghy and shot down the slide at speed.
We had all been on it a few times when someone suggested going down in a two seater instead. All went well a few times but then disaster struck, Pauline and Tyler came down so fast that their rubber tube flipped and both smacked into each other causing a collossal bang and a scene worth of any hidden camera show.
The end result was that Tyler ended up with a giant smack to the back of his head, Pauline ended up with a very swollen face and the startings of a black eye that will be fully formed in a few days.
Thus ended our adventure to the water park and I spent the rest of the day accompanying Shrek and Susan Boyle around the theme park , looking like a carer for the deformation day release clinic.
Anyway, the remainer of our time there went smoothly and we fell in love with the place but like everywhere else we had to pack up our stuff again and head away to Dalat.
Its amazing that we made it as we have just had one of the most hair raising rides of our lives! It seems that in order to create a truly authentic vietmanese bus journey you first take one or two highly irrational and potentially unqualified drivers, add a 30 year old rusty coach that has dubious safety features including broken seat belts and windows.
Then from there you make them drive 5 hours on steep mountain passes covered in pot holes and landslides as fast as they can possibly make the beaten up vehicle go and if thats still a bit tame just to spice it up a little more add torrential rain.
I lost count of the times we almost careered off the road and I have absolutely no idea how the suspension lasted longer than a few minutes but somehow we made it through. Tyler dealt with it in his own nonchalant way by sleeping through the entire journey and waking up completely unphased moaning how hungry he was.
Its been a few days since the last update, Nha Trang has been fantastic, well except for one minor little issue that is.
We spent the day at Vinpearl island which consists of a theme park, water park and a splattering of shops and restauants. We were having a whale of a time at the waterpark, there were loads of slides, wave machines and the weather was fantastic.
However there was one slide in particular that Tyler had been dying to go on, it was the "Family Slide" a steep slope where you jumped into a 6 seater dinghy and shot down the slide at speed.
We had all been on it a few times when someone suggested going down in a two seater instead. All went well a few times but then disaster struck, Pauline and Tyler came down so fast that their rubber tube flipped and both smacked into each other causing a collossal bang and a scene worth of any hidden camera show.
The end result was that Tyler ended up with a giant smack to the back of his head, Pauline ended up with a very swollen face and the startings of a black eye that will be fully formed in a few days.
Thus ended our adventure to the water park and I spent the rest of the day accompanying Shrek and Susan Boyle around the theme park , looking like a carer for the deformation day release clinic.
Anyway, the remainer of our time there went smoothly and we fell in love with the place but like everywhere else we had to pack up our stuff again and head away to Dalat.
Its amazing that we made it as we have just had one of the most hair raising rides of our lives! It seems that in order to create a truly authentic vietmanese bus journey you first take one or two highly irrational and potentially unqualified drivers, add a 30 year old rusty coach that has dubious safety features including broken seat belts and windows.
Then from there you make them drive 5 hours on steep mountain passes covered in pot holes and landslides as fast as they can possibly make the beaten up vehicle go and if thats still a bit tame just to spice it up a little more add torrential rain.
I lost count of the times we almost careered off the road and I have absolutely no idea how the suspension lasted longer than a few minutes but somehow we made it through. Tyler dealt with it in his own nonchalant way by sleeping through the entire journey and waking up completely unphased moaning how hungry he was.
Sunday, 14 November 2010
Pauline's Patented Negotiating Tactics
Sunday 14th November
I finally got to witness Paulines amazing negotiating skills first hand and it was certainly worth the wait, in fact I should encourage her to perhaps go on the road and teach the uninitiated her revolutionary style.
Bascially, so as not to jeapordise any future earnings that could be forthcoming from this venture, I will only provide here a very high level synopsis.
Firstly, you have to choose your establishment very carefully so as to ensure the best chance of success, this is no easy feat as practically everyone on the streets of Hoi An is trying to sell you something.
Then when you spot your target you enter the premesis looking supremely confident with your head held aloft as if to insinuate that you could easily buy up their entire chain along with all of their neighbours outlets as well.
From there and this is the real tricky bit so pay close attention, when they tell you the price that they want, you adopt a stupid grin, dive into your purse and pay them the full amount.
You can then be content as you leave the shop with your bag of badly tailored tat that you have probably just put their entire family through college and made the community a better place.
I will be adding an application form for the full course in a few days so make sure that you sign up early to secure your place, I may even through in some partly fraid, slightly smelly Vietnam cloth for the first 200 to take the plunge.
So, anyway now that I have got that off of my chest, what can I tell you about Hoi An, hmm, well its wet, very wet, and apart from a few shops that can now afford a decent education, there is little to tell it apart from many of the other places that we have visited.
Having said that the food there was exceptional, so much so that Pauline asked the chef of one restaurant to teach her how to cook one of the dishes we had just eaten and the next day off she trotted in the early hours of the morning to cook her first vietmenese dish.
It was a win win situation for Tyler and I as not only did we get a lay in and could doss about for a bit, but we also got a free lunch.
We also decided that we couldnt be arsed to make the 20 minute walk down to meet her so we hired a moped and ripped up the streets looking super cool, well maybe not but it beat walking.
She did a good job and the food was great and she was obvioulsly so jealous about how cool that Tyler and I looked that she hired her own moped and we rode out to My Son, a very silly name for a pretty vacant place with a load of ruins but give Tyler time :-)
It was a great day and for once the rain had laid up for a while so we actually remainined pretty dry on the 30 mile drive there (30 miles on a bloody moped, what were we thinking).
There is something about being on a moped that instantly makes you think you are cool, that is right up until the moment you fleetingly glance at yourself in the reflexion of a shop window and realise you look like a complete idiot, with a smaller idiot holding on for dear life on the back.
Still it was a fun day and we still had another day of torrential rain to look forward to before we could once again savor the delights of the overnight sleeper bus.
Just before we were going to board the bus, Pauline discovered that the hotel I had booked in Nha Trang was notorious for theft and generally a bad idea, so with a minute to spare and not a lot of thought we through caution to the wind and booked a nice hotel instead.
We had heard that the further south we went the worse the weather would get so we may as well be holled up somewhere nice for a few days.
I think I have covered most of the points of the over night bus that people should be aware of, the only thing left to say is that you should absolutely reserve your tickets and obtain allocated seats in advance.
This isnt in fact done so that you will receive those seats, ohh no that would never work in Vietnam, this is purely so that you can see the smile on the drivers face as he tells you to shut up and sit wherever is available.
I have a feeling that this is one of the very few pleasures that he receives during his day and we all have a responsibility to make him happy before he attempts to stay awake, while drinking coke and smoking, without crashing into anything or careering down a ditch.
This particular bus had 5 beds next to each other at the very back of the bus, seperated only by very hard metal girders which I think was a relief for the two dutch guys that we ended up sharing with.
The beds are precisely half the average humans width wide and dont lie completely flat so that you can see the oncoming traffic getting dangerously close to taking out the driver.
I think the key to taking one of these trips is to set your expectations unbelievably low and then expect them not to be met in any way.
After two very near crashes and having lost any will that we had left to live, we finally reached Nha Trang.
Ohh my god, it is gorgeous, the hotel is a second from the beach, the weather has been magnificant all day and they have a breakfast buffet.
Those two words alone now bring tears to my eyes and as we gorged ourselves on more food than is strictly healthy for human consumption we had a look of contentment on our faces that had been seldom seen over the past weeks.
We have just come in from jumping over waves for a few hours and it has honestly been a perfect day, still rain is forecast soon so I guess we will have to see what tomorrow brings!
I finally got to witness Paulines amazing negotiating skills first hand and it was certainly worth the wait, in fact I should encourage her to perhaps go on the road and teach the uninitiated her revolutionary style.
Bascially, so as not to jeapordise any future earnings that could be forthcoming from this venture, I will only provide here a very high level synopsis.
Firstly, you have to choose your establishment very carefully so as to ensure the best chance of success, this is no easy feat as practically everyone on the streets of Hoi An is trying to sell you something.
Then when you spot your target you enter the premesis looking supremely confident with your head held aloft as if to insinuate that you could easily buy up their entire chain along with all of their neighbours outlets as well.
From there and this is the real tricky bit so pay close attention, when they tell you the price that they want, you adopt a stupid grin, dive into your purse and pay them the full amount.
You can then be content as you leave the shop with your bag of badly tailored tat that you have probably just put their entire family through college and made the community a better place.
I will be adding an application form for the full course in a few days so make sure that you sign up early to secure your place, I may even through in some partly fraid, slightly smelly Vietnam cloth for the first 200 to take the plunge.
So, anyway now that I have got that off of my chest, what can I tell you about Hoi An, hmm, well its wet, very wet, and apart from a few shops that can now afford a decent education, there is little to tell it apart from many of the other places that we have visited.
Having said that the food there was exceptional, so much so that Pauline asked the chef of one restaurant to teach her how to cook one of the dishes we had just eaten and the next day off she trotted in the early hours of the morning to cook her first vietmenese dish.
It was a win win situation for Tyler and I as not only did we get a lay in and could doss about for a bit, but we also got a free lunch.
We also decided that we couldnt be arsed to make the 20 minute walk down to meet her so we hired a moped and ripped up the streets looking super cool, well maybe not but it beat walking.
She did a good job and the food was great and she was obvioulsly so jealous about how cool that Tyler and I looked that she hired her own moped and we rode out to My Son, a very silly name for a pretty vacant place with a load of ruins but give Tyler time :-)
It was a great day and for once the rain had laid up for a while so we actually remainined pretty dry on the 30 mile drive there (30 miles on a bloody moped, what were we thinking).
There is something about being on a moped that instantly makes you think you are cool, that is right up until the moment you fleetingly glance at yourself in the reflexion of a shop window and realise you look like a complete idiot, with a smaller idiot holding on for dear life on the back.
Still it was a fun day and we still had another day of torrential rain to look forward to before we could once again savor the delights of the overnight sleeper bus.
Just before we were going to board the bus, Pauline discovered that the hotel I had booked in Nha Trang was notorious for theft and generally a bad idea, so with a minute to spare and not a lot of thought we through caution to the wind and booked a nice hotel instead.
We had heard that the further south we went the worse the weather would get so we may as well be holled up somewhere nice for a few days.
I think I have covered most of the points of the over night bus that people should be aware of, the only thing left to say is that you should absolutely reserve your tickets and obtain allocated seats in advance.
This isnt in fact done so that you will receive those seats, ohh no that would never work in Vietnam, this is purely so that you can see the smile on the drivers face as he tells you to shut up and sit wherever is available.
I have a feeling that this is one of the very few pleasures that he receives during his day and we all have a responsibility to make him happy before he attempts to stay awake, while drinking coke and smoking, without crashing into anything or careering down a ditch.
This particular bus had 5 beds next to each other at the very back of the bus, seperated only by very hard metal girders which I think was a relief for the two dutch guys that we ended up sharing with.
The beds are precisely half the average humans width wide and dont lie completely flat so that you can see the oncoming traffic getting dangerously close to taking out the driver.
I think the key to taking one of these trips is to set your expectations unbelievably low and then expect them not to be met in any way.
After two very near crashes and having lost any will that we had left to live, we finally reached Nha Trang.
Ohh my god, it is gorgeous, the hotel is a second from the beach, the weather has been magnificant all day and they have a breakfast buffet.
Those two words alone now bring tears to my eyes and as we gorged ourselves on more food than is strictly healthy for human consumption we had a look of contentment on our faces that had been seldom seen over the past weeks.
We have just come in from jumping over waves for a few hours and it has honestly been a perfect day, still rain is forecast soon so I guess we will have to see what tomorrow brings!
Wednesday, 10 November 2010
The wheels on the bus go round and round and round and round
Wednesday 10th November:
The words "sleeper bus" instantly conjures up images in most peoples minds of relaxation, perhaps a nice fluffy mattress on wheels. Some may even go as far as imagining crisp white bed linen and reclining in comfort as the soothing motion of the carriage lulls you into a gentle slumber.
Well I hate to be the one to burst this rather perfect image for you but I can confirm that they were definitely being a little over optimistic when they named this service.
For starters the roads in vietnam are far from being flat or smooth so every 20 or so seconds, just as you have found a nice comfy bit that doesn't cause your muscles to spasm or lose circulation, your whole body is elevated then thrown across to collide with the safety barrier at speed.
It like a scene from the exorcist whereby you temporarily get to experience what levitation feels like before your head starts to spin.
Then you have the onboard entertainment system that generally consists of a low budget local film or the vietnam equivalent of X factor. At points it's not easy to tell them apart, even when there is a speaker strategically located directly above your head thats set to full volume.
Finally there are the lights, which appear at first glance to have been stolen from the control deck of the starship enterprise. These consist of 2 long rows of fluorescent lights, backed up by 2 long rows of blue lights, backed up by subsequent row of round led lights. Of course I don't have time here to detail all of the other lights that we counted in the cabin such as the emergency exit lights or the personal reading lights as that would be pretty petty but suffice to say it was pretty bright.
The really cool thing is that the operation of these lights have been designed to be completely random. For example, when they finally did turn off the overhead lights several hours into our journey, they would come back on again each time the driver accelerated, creating a sort of ageing disco effect that we could all enjoy.
Then, when the bus stops to let people off for a break, normally about 5 minutes after you finally get some shut eye, they turn the overhead lights off so that you have to stamp on people as you go through. It was like a compulsory game of twister played by groggy tourists and grumpy locals. If someone spun the "left foot, womans face" option then i definitely won the game hands down, literally.
So after 2 hours sleep on a 12 hour overnight coach ride we reached Hue refreshed, relaxed and ready to take on the new day, or to put it another way we slept, and slept for a very long time indeed.
The following day we booked a tour with the Hue riders, a group of experienced motocyclists that take you off of the beaten track and show you the highlights of Hue. They were all brought up locally so knew the area inside out which was great, we also had a guide each so between the three of us we looked like a warped episode of "Chips".
The first destination they took us to was an ancient monestary with 17 permanent monks who tend to the garden and seem to amble about for most of the day. We were fortunate or unfortunate enough to be invited in to watch their daily prayers. Whoppi Goldberg would have had a field day with these guys, they could all hold a note but unfortunately they were all different ones. It was very relaxing to watch them all but after 20 minutes our ears had decided it was time to escape and we continued on our merry way.
The rest of the day was spent driving around the various tombs and pagodas that are spread throughout the city, its a great place if you are into your history and although the sites havent been restored to chinese standards the sheer quantity more than makes up for this.
Our final stop was into one of the villages on the outskirts of Hue, it didnt seem like many tourists came to this part as we received a lot of attention from the locals, especially Tyler who the old ladies adored. They dragged him into the local museum and taught him how to make rice and flour as well as showing him all of the local fishing techniques.
It was a great day and the weather held out right up until we got dropped off which was a result!
We only had a couple of days in Hue but thanks to the Hue riders we saw far more than we had expected and after yet another 5 hour coach trip we have arrived safely in Hoi An to chill for a bit.
The words "sleeper bus" instantly conjures up images in most peoples minds of relaxation, perhaps a nice fluffy mattress on wheels. Some may even go as far as imagining crisp white bed linen and reclining in comfort as the soothing motion of the carriage lulls you into a gentle slumber.
Well I hate to be the one to burst this rather perfect image for you but I can confirm that they were definitely being a little over optimistic when they named this service.
For starters the roads in vietnam are far from being flat or smooth so every 20 or so seconds, just as you have found a nice comfy bit that doesn't cause your muscles to spasm or lose circulation, your whole body is elevated then thrown across to collide with the safety barrier at speed.
It like a scene from the exorcist whereby you temporarily get to experience what levitation feels like before your head starts to spin.
Then you have the onboard entertainment system that generally consists of a low budget local film or the vietnam equivalent of X factor. At points it's not easy to tell them apart, even when there is a speaker strategically located directly above your head thats set to full volume.
Finally there are the lights, which appear at first glance to have been stolen from the control deck of the starship enterprise. These consist of 2 long rows of fluorescent lights, backed up by 2 long rows of blue lights, backed up by subsequent row of round led lights. Of course I don't have time here to detail all of the other lights that we counted in the cabin such as the emergency exit lights or the personal reading lights as that would be pretty petty but suffice to say it was pretty bright.
The really cool thing is that the operation of these lights have been designed to be completely random. For example, when they finally did turn off the overhead lights several hours into our journey, they would come back on again each time the driver accelerated, creating a sort of ageing disco effect that we could all enjoy.
Then, when the bus stops to let people off for a break, normally about 5 minutes after you finally get some shut eye, they turn the overhead lights off so that you have to stamp on people as you go through. It was like a compulsory game of twister played by groggy tourists and grumpy locals. If someone spun the "left foot, womans face" option then i definitely won the game hands down, literally.
So after 2 hours sleep on a 12 hour overnight coach ride we reached Hue refreshed, relaxed and ready to take on the new day, or to put it another way we slept, and slept for a very long time indeed.
The following day we booked a tour with the Hue riders, a group of experienced motocyclists that take you off of the beaten track and show you the highlights of Hue. They were all brought up locally so knew the area inside out which was great, we also had a guide each so between the three of us we looked like a warped episode of "Chips".
The first destination they took us to was an ancient monestary with 17 permanent monks who tend to the garden and seem to amble about for most of the day. We were fortunate or unfortunate enough to be invited in to watch their daily prayers. Whoppi Goldberg would have had a field day with these guys, they could all hold a note but unfortunately they were all different ones. It was very relaxing to watch them all but after 20 minutes our ears had decided it was time to escape and we continued on our merry way.
The rest of the day was spent driving around the various tombs and pagodas that are spread throughout the city, its a great place if you are into your history and although the sites havent been restored to chinese standards the sheer quantity more than makes up for this.
Our final stop was into one of the villages on the outskirts of Hue, it didnt seem like many tourists came to this part as we received a lot of attention from the locals, especially Tyler who the old ladies adored. They dragged him into the local museum and taught him how to make rice and flour as well as showing him all of the local fishing techniques.
It was a great day and the weather held out right up until we got dropped off which was a result!
We only had a couple of days in Hue but thanks to the Hue riders we saw far more than we had expected and after yet another 5 hour coach trip we have arrived safely in Hoi An to chill for a bit.
Tuesday, 9 November 2010
Old Fogies
Sunday 7th November
Sickness score:
Darren 2 - Pauline & Tyler 0
I finally get to win at something :-) It seems the food poisoning that I picked up in China was only waylayed whilst I was on the medication, as soon as that ran out its back with a vengence and I feel crappy!
A lot of hotels here have the facility to lull you out of your slumber by playing wake up music through their in house system, however ours has a rather more novel approach, we automatically get our wake up call at 05:30 when the builders philharmonic orchetra on the building site next to us, do their best to try to recreate Beethovens 5th Symphony using only a circular saw, electric drill and hammer.
Though not as musically gifted as the dead composer, they are relentless in their efforts to perfect their melody and practice throughout the day to ensure they get it just right.
Anyway now that I am yet again wide awake I figured I may as well take time out to update this thing again!
We are now back in Hanoi about to leave on a sleeper bus down to Hue for a couple of days, and its a journey I am not looking forward too to say the least. We got back from Monkey Island yesterday and on the bus home our driver got arrested for god knows what, then he got lost and we ended up 3 hours late back to our hotel (not ideal when you have food poisoning).
Monkey Island was great though, we were pretty much left to our own devices for most of our second day as they ferried the rest of the tourists off of the island first thing in the morning and didnt come back until the afternoon. We basically had our own desert island with a full compliment of staff to boot!
We all Kayaked around to the other beech so that we could watch the monkey's terrorise the tourists some more, it was great to see grown men run for their lives as a minature ape tried its best to relive him of whatever he could get his hands on!
When we got back to the resort the boat had brought the new tourists across and much to our delight it was two boatfuls of teenagers intent on partying through the night! Yipee!!!
I havent felt this old in a long time! So in true fogey style we retreated back to our cabin at an all together repectable 10pm and listened to the thumping drum and bass emenating from the club house for the remainder of the evening.
Sickness score:
Darren 2 - Pauline & Tyler 0
I finally get to win at something :-) It seems the food poisoning that I picked up in China was only waylayed whilst I was on the medication, as soon as that ran out its back with a vengence and I feel crappy!
A lot of hotels here have the facility to lull you out of your slumber by playing wake up music through their in house system, however ours has a rather more novel approach, we automatically get our wake up call at 05:30 when the builders philharmonic orchetra on the building site next to us, do their best to try to recreate Beethovens 5th Symphony using only a circular saw, electric drill and hammer.
Though not as musically gifted as the dead composer, they are relentless in their efforts to perfect their melody and practice throughout the day to ensure they get it just right.
Anyway now that I am yet again wide awake I figured I may as well take time out to update this thing again!
We are now back in Hanoi about to leave on a sleeper bus down to Hue for a couple of days, and its a journey I am not looking forward too to say the least. We got back from Monkey Island yesterday and on the bus home our driver got arrested for god knows what, then he got lost and we ended up 3 hours late back to our hotel (not ideal when you have food poisoning).
Monkey Island was great though, we were pretty much left to our own devices for most of our second day as they ferried the rest of the tourists off of the island first thing in the morning and didnt come back until the afternoon. We basically had our own desert island with a full compliment of staff to boot!
We all Kayaked around to the other beech so that we could watch the monkey's terrorise the tourists some more, it was great to see grown men run for their lives as a minature ape tried its best to relive him of whatever he could get his hands on!
When we got back to the resort the boat had brought the new tourists across and much to our delight it was two boatfuls of teenagers intent on partying through the night! Yipee!!!
I havent felt this old in a long time! So in true fogey style we retreated back to our cabin at an all together repectable 10pm and listened to the thumping drum and bass emenating from the club house for the remainder of the evening.
Saturday, 6 November 2010
Monkey's ahoy!
Thursday 4th November
Having slept for about 16 hours when we arrived I was feeling pretty good again! I had cleverly left one of our backpacks in the restaurant that we ate in when we arrived, I blame sleep deprivation but its more likely to be my general abscent mindedness if I am honest. Luckily they still had it the next day so yet another disaster averted for now, I just need to find them a little gift to say thank you!
Hanoi is a sprawling metropolis, slightly more touristy than the cities that we visited in China but with a great atmosphere to boot.
If Beijing is the city of bicycles then Hanoi can definately claim to be the city of mopeds, they are quite literally everywhere and they seem to be used in all facets of life, from transporting goods ranging from large crates to dead cows and for ferrying whole famalies around. There doesnt seem to be a limit to what you can fit on them and as health and safety seems to rank pretty low in all of asia they try to push the boundries of their capability as much as possible.
In order to cross any street you literally just have to take a very deep breath and plunge forward, the traffic instantly seperates around you so that you become your very own island. However, as everyone knows, mopeds have a tendancy of crashing into islands so its definately not a good idea to hang about and you can see signs of accidents everywhere you go.
When we had booked our hotel the facilities included a free big breakfast which as we have now discovered translates into two slices of small bread and a splodge of unidentifiable jam substance. Still elsewhere the food has been exceptional, we ate in one of the street cafes on seats that were too small for Tyler and tables that all of us had to stoop down towards in order of having a hope of getting food near our mouths.
The whole bill came to less than 4 pounds and that included 4 beers and a couple of cokes!
As I am writing this we are nestled up in a wooden hut on Monkey Island a small beach resort carved into one of the 3000 Cat Ba islands within Ha Long bay. The place is the permanent residence of 16 people and offers accomodation that caters for about 20 - 30 tourists.
The island has everything you could need, from volley ball and football right through to vietmanese Karaoke and old vietmanese gentlemen offering you a share of their bongs, which although I politely declined still seemed mighty nice of them.
Pauline and a few of the other guests took a kayak out to an adjacent island yesterday and watched the monkeys stealing all of the tourists valuables. Tyler and I had been there earlier in the day and the place was deserted so we were gutted to have missed it, however we have extended our stay by a day so hopefully will catch them later.
Prior to this we had spent our first night on a junk sailing through the bay, visiting the caves and kayaking which was great fun. Unfortunately we still havent run into any other families as yet to keep Tyler amused. By now his repatuare of jokes is wearing pretty thin but everyone seems to humour him and his delivery is definately improving somewhat.
Having slept for about 16 hours when we arrived I was feeling pretty good again! I had cleverly left one of our backpacks in the restaurant that we ate in when we arrived, I blame sleep deprivation but its more likely to be my general abscent mindedness if I am honest. Luckily they still had it the next day so yet another disaster averted for now, I just need to find them a little gift to say thank you!
Hanoi is a sprawling metropolis, slightly more touristy than the cities that we visited in China but with a great atmosphere to boot.
If Beijing is the city of bicycles then Hanoi can definately claim to be the city of mopeds, they are quite literally everywhere and they seem to be used in all facets of life, from transporting goods ranging from large crates to dead cows and for ferrying whole famalies around. There doesnt seem to be a limit to what you can fit on them and as health and safety seems to rank pretty low in all of asia they try to push the boundries of their capability as much as possible.
In order to cross any street you literally just have to take a very deep breath and plunge forward, the traffic instantly seperates around you so that you become your very own island. However, as everyone knows, mopeds have a tendancy of crashing into islands so its definately not a good idea to hang about and you can see signs of accidents everywhere you go.
When we had booked our hotel the facilities included a free big breakfast which as we have now discovered translates into two slices of small bread and a splodge of unidentifiable jam substance. Still elsewhere the food has been exceptional, we ate in one of the street cafes on seats that were too small for Tyler and tables that all of us had to stoop down towards in order of having a hope of getting food near our mouths.
The whole bill came to less than 4 pounds and that included 4 beers and a couple of cokes!
As I am writing this we are nestled up in a wooden hut on Monkey Island a small beach resort carved into one of the 3000 Cat Ba islands within Ha Long bay. The place is the permanent residence of 16 people and offers accomodation that caters for about 20 - 30 tourists.
The island has everything you could need, from volley ball and football right through to vietmanese Karaoke and old vietmanese gentlemen offering you a share of their bongs, which although I politely declined still seemed mighty nice of them.
Pauline and a few of the other guests took a kayak out to an adjacent island yesterday and watched the monkeys stealing all of the tourists valuables. Tyler and I had been there earlier in the day and the place was deserted so we were gutted to have missed it, however we have extended our stay by a day so hopefully will catch them later.
Prior to this we had spent our first night on a junk sailing through the bay, visiting the caves and kayaking which was great fun. Unfortunately we still havent run into any other families as yet to keep Tyler amused. By now his repatuare of jokes is wearing pretty thin but everyone seems to humour him and his delivery is definately improving somewhat.
Run, Forest Run!
Monday 1st November
Well we have made it into Vietnam with absolutely no thanks to the Chinese tour operators! We had contacted a guy called Forest who offered a deluxe sleeper bus from Guilin directly through to Hanoi. All seemed to be great, the website was professional and the reviews seemed to check out so we took a punt and went for it!
We were told that we would be picked up from our hostel and taken to the bus, technically this was a correct stateman as some guy came to meet us and then proceeded to drag us through the streets of Guilin before leaving us stranded outside a hotel. When he came back he hassled us to pay him as our luxury bus was just moments away, repeating the mantra "Don't you trust me" as we repeated "No" in unison. It was a pretty uncomfortable 20 minutes as he started to have arguments with his boss on the phone, but there was bugger all chance we were paying him unless we had transport.
Then we saw it. The ramshackle 1960s coach that careered around the corner had definately passed it hayday, not only did it have a distinct lack of sleeping facilities but also a distinct lack of available seats. With little other option we were eventually hearded onto the bus and the nice coach lady kicked three other unsuspecting people out of their seats so that we could sit down and brace ourselves for the 15 hour onslaught.
We had been lucky enough to get two seats together so I sat next to Tyler whilst Pauline sat with the randoms in a different row. As always Tyler took no time at all in making himself comfortable and was soon sprawled across both seats with his head nestled against my leg. This in itself sounds fine but the Romans never made it as far as Guilin so the roads are less than straight and extremely bumpy all the way.
So as I braced myself once again to be pummled by Tylers forehead whacking into my groin, whilst the man to my right used his elbows to gently and repeatedly fracture my ribs, I found inner peace by thinking of the various ways I would reek revenge on Forest. I had visions of wheilding a rather large implement and shoving it right up his.....
But wait, what was this, the bus had made a stop and we were ushered off, only to be told that we were to join the coach behind us. We looked tenteatively around the corner and to our surprise in all its gleaming glory there was a luxury sleeper bus with our names written all over it!
We couldnt have been happier and spent no time in getting settled in and trying to get some sleep after the 5 hour body massacre of the last bus. To say we were a little gutted when, after 3 hours, we were once again ushered out of the bus at the border is an understatement.
With no instructions and only a vague idea of what direction we should head in, we dutifully followed another group in the hope that we could make it across the border and board yet another bus through to Hanoi.
After going through umpteen security checks and hiking for 5 miles through a very scenic courtyard we emerged into vietnam with fresh anticipation, excited to see exactly what type of vehicle would be our saviour for the remainder of the trip.
We were a little perturbed when there wasnt one to say the least, by now having had less than a few hours sleep my sense of humour was pretty low and to top it off Tyler had just left his iPod on the last bus so I was less than pleased!
Still we plodded on and eventually found a small bus station, we showed them our ticket and they ushered us once again onto a mini bus. As it turns out the ticket wasnt valid on the bus they just wanted to fill it with as many tourists as possible, but the 3 hour journey cost us less than 3 pounds each so I guess we cant complain and the bus dropped us straight into the old quarter which meant no hassle at the bus station.
As we were already having a very lucky day we were so pleased to find out that we had booked the most difficult hotel to locate in all of Hanoi, that laid on a road that was too small to be on even the most detailed of maps. Ohh how we all laughed as we lugged all of our backpacks through the congested, manic streets of Hanoi, avoiding death at every intersection by milimeters.
Still, we are here in the hotel now, it has a lovely building site next to it which seems to operate 24 x 7 but I am too tired to care and I have to get some sleep so that I can dream about all the things I am going to do to Forest if I ever get my hands on him.
Well we have made it into Vietnam with absolutely no thanks to the Chinese tour operators! We had contacted a guy called Forest who offered a deluxe sleeper bus from Guilin directly through to Hanoi. All seemed to be great, the website was professional and the reviews seemed to check out so we took a punt and went for it!
We were told that we would be picked up from our hostel and taken to the bus, technically this was a correct stateman as some guy came to meet us and then proceeded to drag us through the streets of Guilin before leaving us stranded outside a hotel. When he came back he hassled us to pay him as our luxury bus was just moments away, repeating the mantra "Don't you trust me" as we repeated "No" in unison. It was a pretty uncomfortable 20 minutes as he started to have arguments with his boss on the phone, but there was bugger all chance we were paying him unless we had transport.
Then we saw it. The ramshackle 1960s coach that careered around the corner had definately passed it hayday, not only did it have a distinct lack of sleeping facilities but also a distinct lack of available seats. With little other option we were eventually hearded onto the bus and the nice coach lady kicked three other unsuspecting people out of their seats so that we could sit down and brace ourselves for the 15 hour onslaught.
We had been lucky enough to get two seats together so I sat next to Tyler whilst Pauline sat with the randoms in a different row. As always Tyler took no time at all in making himself comfortable and was soon sprawled across both seats with his head nestled against my leg. This in itself sounds fine but the Romans never made it as far as Guilin so the roads are less than straight and extremely bumpy all the way.
So as I braced myself once again to be pummled by Tylers forehead whacking into my groin, whilst the man to my right used his elbows to gently and repeatedly fracture my ribs, I found inner peace by thinking of the various ways I would reek revenge on Forest. I had visions of wheilding a rather large implement and shoving it right up his.....
But wait, what was this, the bus had made a stop and we were ushered off, only to be told that we were to join the coach behind us. We looked tenteatively around the corner and to our surprise in all its gleaming glory there was a luxury sleeper bus with our names written all over it!
We couldnt have been happier and spent no time in getting settled in and trying to get some sleep after the 5 hour body massacre of the last bus. To say we were a little gutted when, after 3 hours, we were once again ushered out of the bus at the border is an understatement.
With no instructions and only a vague idea of what direction we should head in, we dutifully followed another group in the hope that we could make it across the border and board yet another bus through to Hanoi.
After going through umpteen security checks and hiking for 5 miles through a very scenic courtyard we emerged into vietnam with fresh anticipation, excited to see exactly what type of vehicle would be our saviour for the remainder of the trip.
We were a little perturbed when there wasnt one to say the least, by now having had less than a few hours sleep my sense of humour was pretty low and to top it off Tyler had just left his iPod on the last bus so I was less than pleased!
Still we plodded on and eventually found a small bus station, we showed them our ticket and they ushered us once again onto a mini bus. As it turns out the ticket wasnt valid on the bus they just wanted to fill it with as many tourists as possible, but the 3 hour journey cost us less than 3 pounds each so I guess we cant complain and the bus dropped us straight into the old quarter which meant no hassle at the bus station.
As we were already having a very lucky day we were so pleased to find out that we had booked the most difficult hotel to locate in all of Hanoi, that laid on a road that was too small to be on even the most detailed of maps. Ohh how we all laughed as we lugged all of our backpacks through the congested, manic streets of Hanoi, avoiding death at every intersection by milimeters.
Still, we are here in the hotel now, it has a lovely building site next to it which seems to operate 24 x 7 but I am too tired to care and I have to get some sleep so that I can dream about all the things I am going to do to Forest if I ever get my hands on him.
Saturday, 30 October 2010
zài jiàn China
Sunday 31st October
As we are now nearing the end of our first China foray and as with Russia, I would like to make note of a few individual observations here that hopefully capture some of the essence of china.
China makes a profound impact on all who pass through it and given a
lifetime it would still be impossible to sample all that this country
has to offer, yet alone integrate fully into it's culture.
Everything about the country is truly foreign to mere tourists such as
ourselves, yet we cannot help but find ourselves warming greatly to both it's way of life as well as it's community spirit. The people we have encountered during our brief visit have been overly accommodating with a desire to understand as much about us as we are eager to learn about them.
There is an overwhelming sense of national pride and with good reason
too, this is a country that is making leaps and bounds into global
dominance of nearly every industry. People seem to have real purpose
and although the wages do not compare to that of its western
counterparts, people appear to take pride in their jobs and seem genuinely committed to providing a good service.
So anyway without further delay here are a few points on this amazing country:
1. Nostrils: be prepared to have them put through their paces.
Although I had been forewarned prior to my visit, nothing had truly
prepared me for the overwhelming array of smells that one has to
endure during the course of an average day. Ranging from the hunger
inducing culinary aromas that are to be found on nearly every street
corner through to the less pleasant nasal burning stench of the public
lavatories. I am not sure that one truly ever gets accustomed to these
and several times a day you are stopped in your tracks as some new
nose feast hits your senses like a slap around the face.
2. Dental hygiene, or lack thereof: I had confidently been informed
that the UK has the worst reputation for dental hygiene in the world
(thanks mostly to Austin Powers I presume). However let me put that
record straight right now, never in all of my days have I seen such a
distinct lack of pearly whites than there is here in china. I used to think that travel photographers were in some way gifted at capturing people with distinctly ghastly teeth, grinning from cavity to cavity. Now however I know the truth, they simply take a photo of anyone that
smiles here thats over the age of 60.
3. Trains: there seems to be a running joke with the travel
authorities to see how many people they can wedge into each carriage
which is a feat in itself as the tickets are so bloody difficult to
buy in the first place. We have savoured the spectrum of seating
options that china has to offer from soft sleepers through to standing
only and I can say with conviction that nobody does it quite like
China. Any destination that offers seats also offers a standing
option, this means that there are usually twice as many people in
these carriages than was originally intended. It's like a giant game
of musical chairs, if you get up for a toilet break you return to find
your chair inhabited by an entire family intent on staying put. Try as
you might to move them this is generally futile and your only option
is to wait until the next poor shmuck who needs to relieve themselves
and dive into their preheated hard seat. This goes on for the duration
of the journey (sometimes over multiple days) until everyone has been
inconvenienced at least once and the only person smiling at the end is
the old landy with the colostomy bag.
4. Signs: The Chinese see a "no smoking" sign as a personal challenge
to see who can smoke the most whilst loitering in front of it. This
also applies to "no photos", "no eating" and I presume "no loitering"
too although this last one is unconfirmed. Whilst I won't dwell on this
as it is already pretty well documented, the English translations on
some of the signage are often highly comical and I can't help thinking
that someone somewhere did this just for a giggle.
5. Food: Nothing appears to be off limits for the chinese pallet and during our trip we have encountered such culinary delights as live scorpians and spiders through to pigs brain soup and fried snake. The local food is also unbelieveably cheap in comparison to the various western restaurants that have sprung up everywhere, often enabling all three of us to eat and drink for less than £5. Portion sizes range from gargantuan to unbelievable and I fail to understand how so many of the locals manage to maintain their skeletal physiques.
Today is our last full day in China as we will be jumping aboard a sleeper bus through to Hanoi this evening, a journey that will probably provide little sleep but hopefully plenty of entertainment.
As we are now nearing the end of our first China foray and as with Russia, I would like to make note of a few individual observations here that hopefully capture some of the essence of china.
China makes a profound impact on all who pass through it and given a
lifetime it would still be impossible to sample all that this country
has to offer, yet alone integrate fully into it's culture.
Everything about the country is truly foreign to mere tourists such as
ourselves, yet we cannot help but find ourselves warming greatly to both it's way of life as well as it's community spirit. The people we have encountered during our brief visit have been overly accommodating with a desire to understand as much about us as we are eager to learn about them.
There is an overwhelming sense of national pride and with good reason
too, this is a country that is making leaps and bounds into global
dominance of nearly every industry. People seem to have real purpose
and although the wages do not compare to that of its western
counterparts, people appear to take pride in their jobs and seem genuinely committed to providing a good service.
So anyway without further delay here are a few points on this amazing country:
1. Nostrils: be prepared to have them put through their paces.
Although I had been forewarned prior to my visit, nothing had truly
prepared me for the overwhelming array of smells that one has to
endure during the course of an average day. Ranging from the hunger
inducing culinary aromas that are to be found on nearly every street
corner through to the less pleasant nasal burning stench of the public
lavatories. I am not sure that one truly ever gets accustomed to these
and several times a day you are stopped in your tracks as some new
nose feast hits your senses like a slap around the face.
2. Dental hygiene, or lack thereof: I had confidently been informed
that the UK has the worst reputation for dental hygiene in the world
(thanks mostly to Austin Powers I presume). However let me put that
record straight right now, never in all of my days have I seen such a
distinct lack of pearly whites than there is here in china. I used to think that travel photographers were in some way gifted at capturing people with distinctly ghastly teeth, grinning from cavity to cavity. Now however I know the truth, they simply take a photo of anyone that
smiles here thats over the age of 60.
3. Trains: there seems to be a running joke with the travel
authorities to see how many people they can wedge into each carriage
which is a feat in itself as the tickets are so bloody difficult to
buy in the first place. We have savoured the spectrum of seating
options that china has to offer from soft sleepers through to standing
only and I can say with conviction that nobody does it quite like
China. Any destination that offers seats also offers a standing
option, this means that there are usually twice as many people in
these carriages than was originally intended. It's like a giant game
of musical chairs, if you get up for a toilet break you return to find
your chair inhabited by an entire family intent on staying put. Try as
you might to move them this is generally futile and your only option
is to wait until the next poor shmuck who needs to relieve themselves
and dive into their preheated hard seat. This goes on for the duration
of the journey (sometimes over multiple days) until everyone has been
inconvenienced at least once and the only person smiling at the end is
the old landy with the colostomy bag.
4. Signs: The Chinese see a "no smoking" sign as a personal challenge
to see who can smoke the most whilst loitering in front of it. This
also applies to "no photos", "no eating" and I presume "no loitering"
too although this last one is unconfirmed. Whilst I won't dwell on this
as it is already pretty well documented, the English translations on
some of the signage are often highly comical and I can't help thinking
that someone somewhere did this just for a giggle.
5. Food: Nothing appears to be off limits for the chinese pallet and during our trip we have encountered such culinary delights as live scorpians and spiders through to pigs brain soup and fried snake. The local food is also unbelieveably cheap in comparison to the various western restaurants that have sprung up everywhere, often enabling all three of us to eat and drink for less than £5. Portion sizes range from gargantuan to unbelievable and I fail to understand how so many of the locals manage to maintain their skeletal physiques.
Today is our last full day in China as we will be jumping aboard a sleeper bus through to Hanoi this evening, a journey that will probably provide little sleep but hopefully plenty of entertainment.
Friday, 29 October 2010
On a bicycle made for 2
Friday 29th October
Wow, this place is mesmerising! We have headed south out of Guilin for a few days to Yangshou as we had heard it was beautiful and luckily for us this was a gross understatement.
To reach it we took a bamboo boat down the river Li, a journey of some 2 hours travelling at walking pace and trying to absorb as much of the surrounding outcrops and stone monoliths as possible whilst also trying to avoid getting wet at the same time.
The river was pretty chaotic and every time one of the larger tour boats whizzed passed a wave hit the side of our boat causing it to jolt to the side and take on water. This however only added to the overall experience for me, a little bit of excitement on an otherwise serene journey.
When we arrived in Yangshou itself we were picked up by a large golf cart and whisked away down a rocky road that was meant only for large 4x4 vehicles. For the first time i got to experience what it felt like to be a lottery ball in a picking machine as my insides were violently thrusted from side to side with reckless abandon.
The ten minute drive felt like an hour as we traversed windy roads with hairpin corners squashed like sardines into our tin on wheels. We finally arrived at the bus station and were immediately set upon by a group of touts, picking off unsuspecting tourists with the promise of cheap rooms and hot showers.
Luckily we had booked ours in advance and set off down the street in search of our haven for the next few nights. As it turns out we may have been a little hasty in our judgement of direction and found ourselves 20 minutes away from the hotel which was actually right next to the drop off point where we started.
It's impossible though for your spirits to be dampened in this place, the overly touristic town is completely surrounded by large hills on all sides and has an air of intrigue about it that promises something for everyone who visits.
We had met a couple of people on our boat and as they had nowhere to stay they decided to come with us to see if there was room at the inn. They were in luck and after a quick freshening up we descended back down to the main street in search of the allusive beer and food that had been taunting us since our arrival from the safety of it's giant bill boards.
As we were sauntering through west street we came across their local shopping centre and although to the casual passer by I must have looked like a crazed lunatic on day release I immediately stopped and giggled my head off. We have seen some real humdingers on our travels but nothing quite beats the "Wang ke long shopping complex" a place that is so proud of it's name that it displays it not once but twice in giant 10ft neon letters outside.
We eventually choose one of the many nearby restaurants and started to hatch a plan for what we would do the next day and although the touts did their best to interrupt the conversation every few seconds by shoving postcards, watches and wooden flutes on to our laps we eventually managed to.
This is how I found myself the next day on a tandem bike with Tyler in tow, careering through the streets of Yangshou on our way to the much publicised moon water caves. I am not sure if any of you have ever ridden a tandem but it's very disconcerting, it's as if someone is chasing you and no matter what you do you can't shake them off.
You become tempted to take bends sharply and go off road just to get away but to his credit Tyler was also gifted in the art of tracking and stayed with me all the way.
When we reached our destination we had to strip off to our swimming trunks and jump aboard a wooden boat that would take us through to the hot springs and mud baths that laid inside. As it turns out this was somewhat misleading, what it actually did was take you to the entrance of an incredibly tight 5 mile hike through crevasses and cracks that were not designed for human passage.
As masculine as we all looked in our swimming trunks, flip flops and hard hats, I got the feeling that the guide was still laughing at us!
When we finally reached the mud baths we were broken people and if someone had asked us to reveal all of our inner most secrets at that precise moment in return for a chilled beer I am pretty sure that the guide would have had enough material for a new book.
Still instead we were asked to get into the bath and unwind, a feat that proved to be very difficult to do as "unwind" and "freezing temperature" are seldom heard in the same sentence. Our sweat immediately disappeared to be replaced by goose bumps as we all tried our best to become accustomed to the surreal experience of attempting to walk through thick cold mud.
In true british form though our inhibitions didn't remain intact for long and in no time at all we were completely caked in thick brown sludge from head to toe, in one fail swoop we had transcended from the lead singers in the YMCA to the backing singers for the scat man (if you don't get it don't ask).
Pauline took great pleasure in pouring a huge amount of the stuff down the back of my swimming trunks and I had visions of going through life with a cement filled butt crack and everlasting colonics. I will however get my revenge, it is just a matter of time and I shall choose my moment wisely :-)
Tyler had a whale of a time, the bath had a slide into it and he was quick to jump at the chance of getting as dirty as possible with his parents blessing. Luckily the hot spring beckoned and we all sprinted (as much as our environment and flip flops would allow) back through the narrow passageways to cleanliness.
Now to most people a bath is something that is habitually taken out of the need for hygiene and a fear of stinking and loosing your friends, however I can honestly say that for us 5 people the water we now encountered was pure unadulterated ecstasy.
Never before had this cave encountered a sigh of satisfaction so loud, to the point where we were worried that the stalactites may well be shaken loose from above. I am pretty sure though that even if this did happen, at that moment, none of us would have been willing to move out of the way and when our bodies were eventually recovered they would still have the satisfied looks of people who had just had the best baths of their lives.
Once we were fully satisfied that we had got every last bit of mud off (an impossible feat as we later found out) we wound our way through the remainder of the caves and back to civilisation.
After this we thought that we would get over the long hike we had just had in the caves by climbing to the top of moon hill, some 800 steps. Yeah what a great idea that was, it had been so long since my body had been covered in sweat but now I had the added benefit of my legs aching too.
Still the view from the top was incredible and we were lucky to encounter a rock climber who was actually climbing around the crest of the moon that is the main focal point to the hill. You will have to see the pictures to fully understand but let me accure you that there is absolutely bugger all chance you could ever get me doing anything like that.
I know I have written more than usual but this morning we were woken abruptly from our slumber by what sounded like a gun fight in the street outside, well I say "we" both Pauline and Tyler could sleep through anything and today was no exception. So I went outside to check out what was happening and there was a funeral procession on the street with everyone throwing fire crackers on the floor and a brass band, it was an incredible sight but one can't help wondering why they chose to be buried at 06:30. I guess they hated their neighbours and this was their last chance at getting their own back.
Wow, this place is mesmerising! We have headed south out of Guilin for a few days to Yangshou as we had heard it was beautiful and luckily for us this was a gross understatement.
To reach it we took a bamboo boat down the river Li, a journey of some 2 hours travelling at walking pace and trying to absorb as much of the surrounding outcrops and stone monoliths as possible whilst also trying to avoid getting wet at the same time.
The river was pretty chaotic and every time one of the larger tour boats whizzed passed a wave hit the side of our boat causing it to jolt to the side and take on water. This however only added to the overall experience for me, a little bit of excitement on an otherwise serene journey.
When we arrived in Yangshou itself we were picked up by a large golf cart and whisked away down a rocky road that was meant only for large 4x4 vehicles. For the first time i got to experience what it felt like to be a lottery ball in a picking machine as my insides were violently thrusted from side to side with reckless abandon.
The ten minute drive felt like an hour as we traversed windy roads with hairpin corners squashed like sardines into our tin on wheels. We finally arrived at the bus station and were immediately set upon by a group of touts, picking off unsuspecting tourists with the promise of cheap rooms and hot showers.
Luckily we had booked ours in advance and set off down the street in search of our haven for the next few nights. As it turns out we may have been a little hasty in our judgement of direction and found ourselves 20 minutes away from the hotel which was actually right next to the drop off point where we started.
It's impossible though for your spirits to be dampened in this place, the overly touristic town is completely surrounded by large hills on all sides and has an air of intrigue about it that promises something for everyone who visits.
We had met a couple of people on our boat and as they had nowhere to stay they decided to come with us to see if there was room at the inn. They were in luck and after a quick freshening up we descended back down to the main street in search of the allusive beer and food that had been taunting us since our arrival from the safety of it's giant bill boards.
As we were sauntering through west street we came across their local shopping centre and although to the casual passer by I must have looked like a crazed lunatic on day release I immediately stopped and giggled my head off. We have seen some real humdingers on our travels but nothing quite beats the "Wang ke long shopping complex" a place that is so proud of it's name that it displays it not once but twice in giant 10ft neon letters outside.
We eventually choose one of the many nearby restaurants and started to hatch a plan for what we would do the next day and although the touts did their best to interrupt the conversation every few seconds by shoving postcards, watches and wooden flutes on to our laps we eventually managed to.
This is how I found myself the next day on a tandem bike with Tyler in tow, careering through the streets of Yangshou on our way to the much publicised moon water caves. I am not sure if any of you have ever ridden a tandem but it's very disconcerting, it's as if someone is chasing you and no matter what you do you can't shake them off.
You become tempted to take bends sharply and go off road just to get away but to his credit Tyler was also gifted in the art of tracking and stayed with me all the way.
When we reached our destination we had to strip off to our swimming trunks and jump aboard a wooden boat that would take us through to the hot springs and mud baths that laid inside. As it turns out this was somewhat misleading, what it actually did was take you to the entrance of an incredibly tight 5 mile hike through crevasses and cracks that were not designed for human passage.
As masculine as we all looked in our swimming trunks, flip flops and hard hats, I got the feeling that the guide was still laughing at us!
When we finally reached the mud baths we were broken people and if someone had asked us to reveal all of our inner most secrets at that precise moment in return for a chilled beer I am pretty sure that the guide would have had enough material for a new book.
Still instead we were asked to get into the bath and unwind, a feat that proved to be very difficult to do as "unwind" and "freezing temperature" are seldom heard in the same sentence. Our sweat immediately disappeared to be replaced by goose bumps as we all tried our best to become accustomed to the surreal experience of attempting to walk through thick cold mud.
In true british form though our inhibitions didn't remain intact for long and in no time at all we were completely caked in thick brown sludge from head to toe, in one fail swoop we had transcended from the lead singers in the YMCA to the backing singers for the scat man (if you don't get it don't ask).
Pauline took great pleasure in pouring a huge amount of the stuff down the back of my swimming trunks and I had visions of going through life with a cement filled butt crack and everlasting colonics. I will however get my revenge, it is just a matter of time and I shall choose my moment wisely :-)
Tyler had a whale of a time, the bath had a slide into it and he was quick to jump at the chance of getting as dirty as possible with his parents blessing. Luckily the hot spring beckoned and we all sprinted (as much as our environment and flip flops would allow) back through the narrow passageways to cleanliness.
Now to most people a bath is something that is habitually taken out of the need for hygiene and a fear of stinking and loosing your friends, however I can honestly say that for us 5 people the water we now encountered was pure unadulterated ecstasy.
Never before had this cave encountered a sigh of satisfaction so loud, to the point where we were worried that the stalactites may well be shaken loose from above. I am pretty sure though that even if this did happen, at that moment, none of us would have been willing to move out of the way and when our bodies were eventually recovered they would still have the satisfied looks of people who had just had the best baths of their lives.
Once we were fully satisfied that we had got every last bit of mud off (an impossible feat as we later found out) we wound our way through the remainder of the caves and back to civilisation.
After this we thought that we would get over the long hike we had just had in the caves by climbing to the top of moon hill, some 800 steps. Yeah what a great idea that was, it had been so long since my body had been covered in sweat but now I had the added benefit of my legs aching too.
Still the view from the top was incredible and we were lucky to encounter a rock climber who was actually climbing around the crest of the moon that is the main focal point to the hill. You will have to see the pictures to fully understand but let me accure you that there is absolutely bugger all chance you could ever get me doing anything like that.
I know I have written more than usual but this morning we were woken abruptly from our slumber by what sounded like a gun fight in the street outside, well I say "we" both Pauline and Tyler could sleep through anything and today was no exception. So I went outside to check out what was happening and there was a funeral procession on the street with everyone throwing fire crackers on the floor and a brass band, it was an incredible sight but one can't help wondering why they chose to be buried at 06:30. I guess they hated their neighbours and this was their last chance at getting their own back.
Der cruise ist gut ja!
Tuesday 26th October
We have just arrived in Guilin after one of the most tedious train journey's to date. We were unable to secure any beds for the journey so had to make do with hard seats, however nobody could tell us how long the journey was and as usual the train carriage was over subscribed.
We had been assigned seats in two rows and I had the pleasure of sharing my row with a gay elderly chinese man and his teenage boyfriend who seemed intent on getting jiggy with it in full view of the trains overly tollerant passangers.
I am fairly sure that they would have ripped each others clothers off then and there if it hadnt been for the rather restrictive space limitations. Fortunately they got off (not literally) after a few hours and as per usual someone jumped into their seats before they had made it to the door. Still these ones seemed a little less frisky so it was all good!
As it turns out the train journey was just over 15 hours, during which time we changed seats no leass than 3 times, had to endure the dulcit tones of multiple wannabe opera singers screaming down the carriage with their trolleys of dubious looking food stuffs and try to get some sleep under the ultra powerful florescent lighting that would have been more suited to wembley stadium. Needless to say we failed miserably, that is except for Tyler who seems to have the ability to sleep anywhere, anytime, lucky git!
Its been a few days since I have been able to post so I guess I should also fill you in on the Yangtze cruise we took from Chongqing to Yichang.
Cruises attract a certain type of clientele, in our case this meant Germans, lots and lots of Germans! In fact out of the 100 odd passangers sailing their were only a spattering of english speakers and as a result we were all allocated one table for all of the meals which was good!
The 3 gorges cruise very almost got renamed to the 1 gorge cruise after a very large landslide closed the entryway to the 3rd gorge (our pickup point for the 2nd gorge) and instead the boat had to stay in port whilst they tried to clear a path through. Luckily they managed to rearrange the pickup for the 2nd gorge and we disembarked for a 4 hour trip up and down the valley when we would once again return to our boat and wait for news of whether or not we could continue.
I am not sure if you agree but I think there are only so many photos that one can take of a specific thing, and for hills and valleys this number is pretty low for me. Whilst the scenery was spectacular at points, I had pretty much had my fill after a couple of hours and for the most part we just chilled out with the other english speaking tourists.
After a little over 8 hours our ship was given the all clear to proceed through the gorge, although it meant that all of the vessels had to proceed in single file which would delay the remainder of our itinerary.
Still the cruise was a great way to relax after the non stop hussle and bussle of the cities and the 3 gorges dam was an incredible sight, even, as it turned out to be, at 02:00 am.
Whilst aboard we met two Austrian girls who were on a tour of China and we shared a train with them to Wuhan, this time with no seats at all which meant taking pot luck as soon as you saw someone rise from theirs.
They also taught us that you can barter over the price of hotel rooms. The science behind this is pretty complex so try to stick with me but the way I understand it is this, you go up to the receptionist and say "I would like a discount" and then they just slash the prices.
Confusing I know but I have seen this in practice and I can assure you
that it's true.
We have just arrived in Guilin after one of the most tedious train journey's to date. We were unable to secure any beds for the journey so had to make do with hard seats, however nobody could tell us how long the journey was and as usual the train carriage was over subscribed.
We had been assigned seats in two rows and I had the pleasure of sharing my row with a gay elderly chinese man and his teenage boyfriend who seemed intent on getting jiggy with it in full view of the trains overly tollerant passangers.
I am fairly sure that they would have ripped each others clothers off then and there if it hadnt been for the rather restrictive space limitations. Fortunately they got off (not literally) after a few hours and as per usual someone jumped into their seats before they had made it to the door. Still these ones seemed a little less frisky so it was all good!
As it turns out the train journey was just over 15 hours, during which time we changed seats no leass than 3 times, had to endure the dulcit tones of multiple wannabe opera singers screaming down the carriage with their trolleys of dubious looking food stuffs and try to get some sleep under the ultra powerful florescent lighting that would have been more suited to wembley stadium. Needless to say we failed miserably, that is except for Tyler who seems to have the ability to sleep anywhere, anytime, lucky git!
Its been a few days since I have been able to post so I guess I should also fill you in on the Yangtze cruise we took from Chongqing to Yichang.
Cruises attract a certain type of clientele, in our case this meant Germans, lots and lots of Germans! In fact out of the 100 odd passangers sailing their were only a spattering of english speakers and as a result we were all allocated one table for all of the meals which was good!
The 3 gorges cruise very almost got renamed to the 1 gorge cruise after a very large landslide closed the entryway to the 3rd gorge (our pickup point for the 2nd gorge) and instead the boat had to stay in port whilst they tried to clear a path through. Luckily they managed to rearrange the pickup for the 2nd gorge and we disembarked for a 4 hour trip up and down the valley when we would once again return to our boat and wait for news of whether or not we could continue.
I am not sure if you agree but I think there are only so many photos that one can take of a specific thing, and for hills and valleys this number is pretty low for me. Whilst the scenery was spectacular at points, I had pretty much had my fill after a couple of hours and for the most part we just chilled out with the other english speaking tourists.
After a little over 8 hours our ship was given the all clear to proceed through the gorge, although it meant that all of the vessels had to proceed in single file which would delay the remainder of our itinerary.
Still the cruise was a great way to relax after the non stop hussle and bussle of the cities and the 3 gorges dam was an incredible sight, even, as it turned out to be, at 02:00 am.
Whilst aboard we met two Austrian girls who were on a tour of China and we shared a train with them to Wuhan, this time with no seats at all which meant taking pot luck as soon as you saw someone rise from theirs.
They also taught us that you can barter over the price of hotel rooms. The science behind this is pretty complex so try to stick with me but the way I understand it is this, you go up to the receptionist and say "I would like a discount" and then they just slash the prices.
Confusing I know but I have seen this in practice and I can assure you
that it's true.
Monday, 25 October 2010
Relaxing massage?
Friday 22nd October
Well we made the cruise, albeit 2 stone lighter from dragging our backpacks around the streets of Chengdu!
Yesterday we decided to relax at one of the many hot spring complex's near to the city centre, we figured it would be a good idea to unwind before the stress of figuring out where our ship was.
The place was huge with a variety of different pools depending on your individual tastes, the largest of which was a fair sized swimming pool that was around bath temperature and they just got hotter and hotter from there.
There was also a pool brimming with doctor fish that eat all dead skin off of your body, they started off as tiny little tadpoles but had a field day on me and must have looked like whales by the time I got out. Its the weirdest sensation having hundreds of fish decending onto every visible body part but I got totally addicted and was completely submerged after being there for a few minutes.
I even managed to convince Pauline that it was a good idea and to her credit after a few moments where she looked as though Jaws was about to engulf her in one bite, she finally managed to convince herself that it was pretty cool too!
After this I decided to get a full body massage from a tiny little chinese girl who seemed to be somewhat bored and desperate for something to do. This is where I learnt that looks can be very deciving, not only did she have hands and arms made from lead but she also seemed to be highly skilled in wrestling manouvers and was intent to try out each of them on my somewhat pasty, unprepared exterior.
At one point she made me roll onto my back and started to push heavily on my belly, then she sort of just wobbled it a lot, I am fairly certain that this wasnt part of the massage at all, its just that she had never before seen anything quite like it.
Then she invented a game to see if she could push her thumbs through the top of my skull and believe me it felt like she came unbelievebly close a few times. Once she got bored of this she moved on to my ears, sticking her entire finger into both of them and then proceeding to rub my hair all over. Whilst from my viewpoint I was unable to confirm this, I have visions of large hunks of earwax being massaged into my hair a breakneck speeds.
Finally she decided that it would be a good idea to see if she could pull each of my fingers off individually, the woman had the strength of 10 men and I started to contemplate going through the rest of my life as a stumpy. Just as I reached the point when I no longer had the will power to move, she tapped me on the shoulder, grinned inately and asked me to pay!
Due to the fact that I was so happy to be off of the torture table I too smiled through the tears and gave her a tip before limping off a broken man.
Still after her beating all of my skin to a pulp there was more food for the fish so I dived straight back in, content in the fact that they wouldnt have to be fed again this year.
Well we made the cruise, albeit 2 stone lighter from dragging our backpacks around the streets of Chengdu!
Yesterday we decided to relax at one of the many hot spring complex's near to the city centre, we figured it would be a good idea to unwind before the stress of figuring out where our ship was.
The place was huge with a variety of different pools depending on your individual tastes, the largest of which was a fair sized swimming pool that was around bath temperature and they just got hotter and hotter from there.
There was also a pool brimming with doctor fish that eat all dead skin off of your body, they started off as tiny little tadpoles but had a field day on me and must have looked like whales by the time I got out. Its the weirdest sensation having hundreds of fish decending onto every visible body part but I got totally addicted and was completely submerged after being there for a few minutes.
I even managed to convince Pauline that it was a good idea and to her credit after a few moments where she looked as though Jaws was about to engulf her in one bite, she finally managed to convince herself that it was pretty cool too!
After this I decided to get a full body massage from a tiny little chinese girl who seemed to be somewhat bored and desperate for something to do. This is where I learnt that looks can be very deciving, not only did she have hands and arms made from lead but she also seemed to be highly skilled in wrestling manouvers and was intent to try out each of them on my somewhat pasty, unprepared exterior.
At one point she made me roll onto my back and started to push heavily on my belly, then she sort of just wobbled it a lot, I am fairly certain that this wasnt part of the massage at all, its just that she had never before seen anything quite like it.
Then she invented a game to see if she could push her thumbs through the top of my skull and believe me it felt like she came unbelievebly close a few times. Once she got bored of this she moved on to my ears, sticking her entire finger into both of them and then proceeding to rub my hair all over. Whilst from my viewpoint I was unable to confirm this, I have visions of large hunks of earwax being massaged into my hair a breakneck speeds.
Finally she decided that it would be a good idea to see if she could pull each of my fingers off individually, the woman had the strength of 10 men and I started to contemplate going through the rest of my life as a stumpy. Just as I reached the point when I no longer had the will power to move, she tapped me on the shoulder, grinned inately and asked me to pay!
Due to the fact that I was so happy to be off of the torture table I too smiled through the tears and gave her a tip before limping off a broken man.
Still after her beating all of my skin to a pulp there was more food for the fish so I dived straight back in, content in the fact that they wouldnt have to be fed again this year.
Wednesday, 20 October 2010
Quiet, The dead are tryig to slep!
Thursday 21st October
Its been a few days since my last post and this is mostly down to laziness on my part as opposed to not having anything to write about so I apologise.
We are currently in Chongqing waiting to embark on a Yangtze river cruise later this evening. This in tiself has been a bit of a mission as we spent the majority of yesterday trying to find the tour office for our tickets only to be told they had moved premesis (in fact we were told to wait in reception for 30 minutes first before we were told that they had moved).
We eventually found them after asking practically all of the local residents, only to be told that we have to go back there at 17:30 today to get everything, however that means trapsing the hectic streets of Chongqing with our luggage which is definately not ideal.
Also as we hadnt originally considered a cruise we hadnt looked into where it was going to drop us off, which as it turns out is a pit called Yichang with very little to do and next to no transport links.
Still hopefully everything will sort itself out!
Before we left Chengdu we paid a visit to the Happy Valley amusement park, we were told to jump on a bus to get there and although this statement was almost correct it turns out that "there" is about 2 miles from the park in the middle of an industrial estate.
After searching high and low for a taxi we jumped into one of the many tuk tuks that were lining the streets outside the bus station and paid 4 times the bus fare for a 10th of the journey.
Still we made it in one bit and the park was fun. Tyler had to pay half price although the only thing he could really go on were the toilets and a little train rollercoaster, but he seemed to enjoy himself as he was getting the usual attention from the locals.
They were also celebrating Halloween and around ever corner there was some random corpse hanging from a tree or stuck to a pole with its entrails swinging in the wind. One street we went down had corpses lining each side with brand new t-shirts on, so not only were they better dressed than us but they didnt smell as bad either.
We went onto the river rapids and looked on in amusement as all of the people diligently brought their little ponchos and spent ages tying them around themselves, when we reached the front we were instructed to put some on too (luckily i had a couple in my backpack for just such an occasion).
We couldnt understand why they were going to these extremes, that is until we were actually on it, ohh my god, it turns out the ponchos I had were a lot smaller and a lot less water proof than theirs. The finale of the ride unceremoniously dumps the equivalent volume of the atlantic ocean onto your heads in 4 unrelentless rounds, and so it was that we spent the remainder of the day leaving giant soggy wet patches on whatever we touched or sat on.
So a tip for anyone that ever goes there, the poncho's are worth their weight in gold, dont lul yourself into a false sense of security by noting, as i did, that everyone that comes off of the ride is bone dry!
Whilst Pauline was on the rollercoaster, Tyler and I took a wander down the shopping street and outside in one of the gardens there was a giant gravestone which proudly announced "Quiet: The dead are tryig to slep" which made both of us chuckle.
We have seen some great phrases since we have been in China such as "Electronic dirt", "Beef Tenderloins with Acid Trips" and one of my personal favorites "You can enjoy the fresh air after civilised urinating" which was on a toilet cubicle at the giant Buddah park.
Its been a few days since my last post and this is mostly down to laziness on my part as opposed to not having anything to write about so I apologise.
We are currently in Chongqing waiting to embark on a Yangtze river cruise later this evening. This in tiself has been a bit of a mission as we spent the majority of yesterday trying to find the tour office for our tickets only to be told they had moved premesis (in fact we were told to wait in reception for 30 minutes first before we were told that they had moved).
We eventually found them after asking practically all of the local residents, only to be told that we have to go back there at 17:30 today to get everything, however that means trapsing the hectic streets of Chongqing with our luggage which is definately not ideal.
Also as we hadnt originally considered a cruise we hadnt looked into where it was going to drop us off, which as it turns out is a pit called Yichang with very little to do and next to no transport links.
Still hopefully everything will sort itself out!
Before we left Chengdu we paid a visit to the Happy Valley amusement park, we were told to jump on a bus to get there and although this statement was almost correct it turns out that "there" is about 2 miles from the park in the middle of an industrial estate.
After searching high and low for a taxi we jumped into one of the many tuk tuks that were lining the streets outside the bus station and paid 4 times the bus fare for a 10th of the journey.
Still we made it in one bit and the park was fun. Tyler had to pay half price although the only thing he could really go on were the toilets and a little train rollercoaster, but he seemed to enjoy himself as he was getting the usual attention from the locals.
They were also celebrating Halloween and around ever corner there was some random corpse hanging from a tree or stuck to a pole with its entrails swinging in the wind. One street we went down had corpses lining each side with brand new t-shirts on, so not only were they better dressed than us but they didnt smell as bad either.
We went onto the river rapids and looked on in amusement as all of the people diligently brought their little ponchos and spent ages tying them around themselves, when we reached the front we were instructed to put some on too (luckily i had a couple in my backpack for just such an occasion).
We couldnt understand why they were going to these extremes, that is until we were actually on it, ohh my god, it turns out the ponchos I had were a lot smaller and a lot less water proof than theirs. The finale of the ride unceremoniously dumps the equivalent volume of the atlantic ocean onto your heads in 4 unrelentless rounds, and so it was that we spent the remainder of the day leaving giant soggy wet patches on whatever we touched or sat on.
So a tip for anyone that ever goes there, the poncho's are worth their weight in gold, dont lul yourself into a false sense of security by noting, as i did, that everyone that comes off of the ride is bone dry!
Whilst Pauline was on the rollercoaster, Tyler and I took a wander down the shopping street and outside in one of the gardens there was a giant gravestone which proudly announced "Quiet: The dead are tryig to slep" which made both of us chuckle.
We have seen some great phrases since we have been in China such as "Electronic dirt", "Beef Tenderloins with Acid Trips" and one of my personal favorites "You can enjoy the fresh air after civilised urinating" which was on a toilet cubicle at the giant Buddah park.
Saturday, 16 October 2010
The Leshan not so giant Tyler
Saturday 16th October
Well I finally managed to upload some photos to the photo pages for anyone that is interested! Slowly but surely I am finding little loop holes that allow me to access the websites I need!
Yesterday we ventured down to the Leshan giant Buddah, which is apparently one of the greatest feats of mankind, although you would'nt think it for some of the chinese!
We had opted to hire a mini van with the Swedish girls that we had met in Xi'an as it saved the hassle of trying to figure out the many different buses needed to get there. It worked out to be about 100 Yuan per person but before they would allow us to book it they made us sign a document detailing the specific ways you could die on the way and that if this were to happen then our Hostel could deny all knowledge of us (a little scary to say the least).
Blowing caution to the wind we diligently signed our lives away and at 06:30 precisely our driver and beaten up minivan were stationed outside the hostel waiting for us. I am very glad that we did it this way as the fog was horrendous and we came very close to reinacting at least 2 of the ways to die that we had read about on the booking form.
The entrance fee was about 90 Yuan and after paying we joined the mass of people makiing their way to the top of the Buddah where the queue for the viewing platform at the bottom began.
In order to reach the bottom you need to decend down a very steep set of single file stairs, however the journey was akin to a level from a super mario brothers game. Every time you had a chance to move a 4 foot stealth granny with sprightly legs jumped into the space in front of you making it impossible to go forward, whilst at the same time an army of pushy chinese tourists ensured that you were not able to stand still.
Thanks to a combination of gravity and brute force we managed to reach the bottom without too many bruises, to gape at the spectacle in front of us. Not the worlds largest giant Buddah, nah these are ten a penny, I am in fact referring to the mass of local girls who seemed intent on being the first person to have their picture taken with Tyler.
Not once did I see any of them look up or take a picture of the Buddah, which is ashame as my camera started to die as soon as we got there and I could really have used a few good shots!
Tylers was even accosted by a couple of the girls and positioned at various scenic spots along the way for yet more photographs! I am hoping that none of them had a school assignment associated with this as I have a terrible feeling their teachers will not be amused.
Once they had received their fix of photos they presented Tyler with a ready to eat chickens foot for all of his hard work, so that made it all worth while!
The three Swedish girls that accompanied us also seemed to be getting their fair share of attention, even Pauline got asked a couple fo times for a photo and yet for some reason not one person approached me. I can only put this down to them being in awe of my new hair cut and not wanting to get too near incase my super quiff managed to damage their camera lens.
Just as we had began to recover from the craziness of climbing down to the viewing platform, we had the daunting prospect of climbing back up to the top through a similar maze of steps, old ladies and other obstacles designed to ensure that you really got your moneys worth.
Well I finally managed to upload some photos to the photo pages for anyone that is interested! Slowly but surely I am finding little loop holes that allow me to access the websites I need!
Yesterday we ventured down to the Leshan giant Buddah, which is apparently one of the greatest feats of mankind, although you would'nt think it for some of the chinese!
We had opted to hire a mini van with the Swedish girls that we had met in Xi'an as it saved the hassle of trying to figure out the many different buses needed to get there. It worked out to be about 100 Yuan per person but before they would allow us to book it they made us sign a document detailing the specific ways you could die on the way and that if this were to happen then our Hostel could deny all knowledge of us (a little scary to say the least).
Blowing caution to the wind we diligently signed our lives away and at 06:30 precisely our driver and beaten up minivan were stationed outside the hostel waiting for us. I am very glad that we did it this way as the fog was horrendous and we came very close to reinacting at least 2 of the ways to die that we had read about on the booking form.
The entrance fee was about 90 Yuan and after paying we joined the mass of people makiing their way to the top of the Buddah where the queue for the viewing platform at the bottom began.
In order to reach the bottom you need to decend down a very steep set of single file stairs, however the journey was akin to a level from a super mario brothers game. Every time you had a chance to move a 4 foot stealth granny with sprightly legs jumped into the space in front of you making it impossible to go forward, whilst at the same time an army of pushy chinese tourists ensured that you were not able to stand still.
Thanks to a combination of gravity and brute force we managed to reach the bottom without too many bruises, to gape at the spectacle in front of us. Not the worlds largest giant Buddah, nah these are ten a penny, I am in fact referring to the mass of local girls who seemed intent on being the first person to have their picture taken with Tyler.
Not once did I see any of them look up or take a picture of the Buddah, which is ashame as my camera started to die as soon as we got there and I could really have used a few good shots!
Tylers was even accosted by a couple of the girls and positioned at various scenic spots along the way for yet more photographs! I am hoping that none of them had a school assignment associated with this as I have a terrible feeling their teachers will not be amused.
Once they had received their fix of photos they presented Tyler with a ready to eat chickens foot for all of his hard work, so that made it all worth while!
The three Swedish girls that accompanied us also seemed to be getting their fair share of attention, even Pauline got asked a couple fo times for a photo and yet for some reason not one person approached me. I can only put this down to them being in awe of my new hair cut and not wanting to get too near incase my super quiff managed to damage their camera lens.
Just as we had began to recover from the craziness of climbing down to the viewing platform, we had the daunting prospect of climbing back up to the top through a similar maze of steps, old ladies and other obstacles designed to ensure that you really got your moneys worth.
What do you say to a bear with 2 black eyes? Nothing he's already been told twice :-)
Friday 15th October
Sorry for the bad pun, but we went to the Panda sanctuary this morning and I just could'nt resist!
The place was teeming with the fury little critters many of whom had a fixation with scratching their genitals and lounging about doing very little indeed, which got me thinking that perhaps I was a Panda in a previous life.
It also crossed my mind that as they are totally monochrome they could sit there photocopying their butts all day for practically no money at all, however their lesser cousins the red pandas would rack up a hell of a bill as colour copies are practically double the cost.
Anyway, after this I had one of the strangest experiences of my life. I had a haircut!
We passed a barbers whilst walking around aimlessly trying to find a temple that had closed by the time we got there so I figured why the hell not. We enquired about the price to one of the many barbers standing outside chatting and in perfect english he replied, "30 Yuan" which is about 3 pounds.
So it was that I was hussled in through the entrance, grabbed by a smiley young lady and forced to lie down on a reclining seat, not exactly your usual start to a short back and sides. Still I gave the place the benefit of the doubt and then the strangest thing happened, she started to massage my head, not just a 5 minute temple rub, this was a full on head massage that lasted just under an hour, during which time I had my hair washed no less that 5 times and my head slapped about like a boxer.
I was then hearded into the barbers chair and looked up expectantly into the eyes of the somewhat camp hairdresser we had spoken to on the way in. This is when it dawned on me that he only knew 2 words of English! I have no idea what his school were thinking but roaming the streets of Chengdu there is potentailly a mass of his schoolmates who's sole grasp of the english language is the phrase "30 Yuan".
In order to get an idea of exactly how I was feeling right then you would need to try to put yourself in my shoes. You are in a very small barbers chair, draped in a dayglow yellow bib, being overlooked by a 20 something youth wielding a sharp implement in one hand, glaring down at you with an expression that is a mixture of both pity and doubt.
Needless to say it was a slightly surreal experience, but somehow I managed through the means of interprative hand gestures and a seires of overenthusiastic nods to provide some vague guidance of exactly what it was that I was looking for.
He then proceeded to analyse each individual hair before he begun to perform his artistic magic. Artistic magic is however a very loose term for what he actually produced, in hairdressing circles they would simply call it a super elvis quiff accompanied by half a shave. Yes thats right, he started to shave the right hand side of my face but seemed to have completely lost interest by the time he reached the other side (my head being so big 'n all).
Naturally I did what any red blooded English man would do, I smiled, thanked him, gave him a tip, shook his hand and walked out with my head held high sporting a quiff that blocked out the sun from my eyes and a fully grown half beard!
I had enter the establishment as a mere mortal but upon leaving I had been transformed into "SUPER QUIFF MAN" fighting the criminal elements of ChengDu armed with a slight razor rash and a telescopic hairpiece.
Strangely I have become so accustomed to people staring at me out here that I didnt really notice any difference in peoples shocked glances and you never know, next time I come out here the look may have caught on.
Sorry for the bad pun, but we went to the Panda sanctuary this morning and I just could'nt resist!
The place was teeming with the fury little critters many of whom had a fixation with scratching their genitals and lounging about doing very little indeed, which got me thinking that perhaps I was a Panda in a previous life.
It also crossed my mind that as they are totally monochrome they could sit there photocopying their butts all day for practically no money at all, however their lesser cousins the red pandas would rack up a hell of a bill as colour copies are practically double the cost.
Anyway, after this I had one of the strangest experiences of my life. I had a haircut!
We passed a barbers whilst walking around aimlessly trying to find a temple that had closed by the time we got there so I figured why the hell not. We enquired about the price to one of the many barbers standing outside chatting and in perfect english he replied, "30 Yuan" which is about 3 pounds.
So it was that I was hussled in through the entrance, grabbed by a smiley young lady and forced to lie down on a reclining seat, not exactly your usual start to a short back and sides. Still I gave the place the benefit of the doubt and then the strangest thing happened, she started to massage my head, not just a 5 minute temple rub, this was a full on head massage that lasted just under an hour, during which time I had my hair washed no less that 5 times and my head slapped about like a boxer.
I was then hearded into the barbers chair and looked up expectantly into the eyes of the somewhat camp hairdresser we had spoken to on the way in. This is when it dawned on me that he only knew 2 words of English! I have no idea what his school were thinking but roaming the streets of Chengdu there is potentailly a mass of his schoolmates who's sole grasp of the english language is the phrase "30 Yuan".
In order to get an idea of exactly how I was feeling right then you would need to try to put yourself in my shoes. You are in a very small barbers chair, draped in a dayglow yellow bib, being overlooked by a 20 something youth wielding a sharp implement in one hand, glaring down at you with an expression that is a mixture of both pity and doubt.
Needless to say it was a slightly surreal experience, but somehow I managed through the means of interprative hand gestures and a seires of overenthusiastic nods to provide some vague guidance of exactly what it was that I was looking for.
He then proceeded to analyse each individual hair before he begun to perform his artistic magic. Artistic magic is however a very loose term for what he actually produced, in hairdressing circles they would simply call it a super elvis quiff accompanied by half a shave. Yes thats right, he started to shave the right hand side of my face but seemed to have completely lost interest by the time he reached the other side (my head being so big 'n all).
Naturally I did what any red blooded English man would do, I smiled, thanked him, gave him a tip, shook his hand and walked out with my head held high sporting a quiff that blocked out the sun from my eyes and a fully grown half beard!
I had enter the establishment as a mere mortal but upon leaving I had been transformed into "SUPER QUIFF MAN" fighting the criminal elements of ChengDu armed with a slight razor rash and a telescopic hairpiece.
Strangely I have become so accustomed to people staring at me out here that I didnt really notice any difference in peoples shocked glances and you never know, next time I come out here the look may have caught on.
Wednesday, 13 October 2010
Very public loos
Thursday 14th October
I walked in on yet another woman taking a crap this morning, they seem to have an aversion to using the locks so its always a bit of a lottery going in. It is also nigh on impossible to convey the look of abject horror that is written across both of our faces as that precise moment.
Suffice to say it really isn't a comfortable situation for either party involved but at least they have reached the stage of closing the door on the train. In most of the public toilets in xi'an all of the cubicles would be wide open, full of men reading news papers and talking on the mobile phone whilst hovering over the loo.
Ohh yeah that's right i forgot to mention that the loo's are basically holes in the floor so you have to levitate over them, now couple that with a moving train compartment and it makes for a highly entertaining pass time On the plus side though after a bout of food poisoning my legs are looking pretty damn fine and more defined than ever before.
It also just struck me that yesterday was our 1 month travelling anniversary, it's scary how fast it has gone so far, we are clueless as to how long it will last but are enjoying it until it stops.
I walked in on yet another woman taking a crap this morning, they seem to have an aversion to using the locks so its always a bit of a lottery going in. It is also nigh on impossible to convey the look of abject horror that is written across both of our faces as that precise moment.
Suffice to say it really isn't a comfortable situation for either party involved but at least they have reached the stage of closing the door on the train. In most of the public toilets in xi'an all of the cubicles would be wide open, full of men reading news papers and talking on the mobile phone whilst hovering over the loo.
Ohh yeah that's right i forgot to mention that the loo's are basically holes in the floor so you have to levitate over them, now couple that with a moving train compartment and it makes for a highly entertaining pass time On the plus side though after a bout of food poisoning my legs are looking pretty damn fine and more defined than ever before.
It also just struck me that yesterday was our 1 month travelling anniversary, it's scary how fast it has gone so far, we are clueless as to how long it will last but are enjoying it until it stops.
Acidbot Bingy II the revenge
Wednesday 13th October
Ok, I may have been a little premature in my praise of the wonderful soup we had. I have been sick as a dog all day today and to make matters worse we will soon be having to climb aboard a train to Chengdu and endure their far less than sanitary public conveniences. Not an overly pleasant prospect to say the least, still it could be worse I guess, i could be sharing with underwear guy again.
Wednesday 13th October (a little bit later)
Well we made the train and thus far it appears to be devoid of any fat blokes, but the night is young and who knows what wonders await us. This train seems to be better than the last one too, not in the toilet department alas but in the overall carriage. We still have six beds in our section but this time they only have partition walls between them making the whole carriage more airy. One obvious downside to this is of course a complete and utter lack of privacy but if people want to watch the fat white man sleep then that's fine by me. I will try my best to squeeze out the English national anthem for them too if I can because this seems somewhat fitting.
Other than that it's much the same as any other train so instead of boring you any more I intend to fill in the space with a little tidbit.
I recently downloaded a basic mandarin app that I have been using with a vengeance, it allows me to repeat "this tastes very good" over and over again until my hearts content (which as it turns out is a very very long time indeed).
It also allows me to say the great phrase "can you give me a photo" which I thoroughly intend to try out soon just to see what happens, I will have to pick my targets carefully though as the last thing I want is glossy's of underwear guy.
The app isn't without its limitations though, for example one glaringly obvious omission is the phrase "thank you" which has forced us to continue shouting it out slowly in English T-H-A-N-K-E-E-Y-O-U whilst maintaining a stupidly innate grin on our faces.
Ok I think that's enough for today take care all!
Ok, I may have been a little premature in my praise of the wonderful soup we had. I have been sick as a dog all day today and to make matters worse we will soon be having to climb aboard a train to Chengdu and endure their far less than sanitary public conveniences. Not an overly pleasant prospect to say the least, still it could be worse I guess, i could be sharing with underwear guy again.
Wednesday 13th October (a little bit later)
Well we made the train and thus far it appears to be devoid of any fat blokes, but the night is young and who knows what wonders await us. This train seems to be better than the last one too, not in the toilet department alas but in the overall carriage. We still have six beds in our section but this time they only have partition walls between them making the whole carriage more airy. One obvious downside to this is of course a complete and utter lack of privacy but if people want to watch the fat white man sleep then that's fine by me. I will try my best to squeeze out the English national anthem for them too if I can because this seems somewhat fitting.
Other than that it's much the same as any other train so instead of boring you any more I intend to fill in the space with a little tidbit.
I recently downloaded a basic mandarin app that I have been using with a vengeance, it allows me to repeat "this tastes very good" over and over again until my hearts content (which as it turns out is a very very long time indeed).
It also allows me to say the great phrase "can you give me a photo" which I thoroughly intend to try out soon just to see what happens, I will have to pick my targets carefully though as the last thing I want is glossy's of underwear guy.
The app isn't without its limitations though, for example one glaringly obvious omission is the phrase "thank you" which has forced us to continue shouting it out slowly in English T-H-A-N-K-E-E-Y-O-U whilst maintaining a stupidly innate grin on our faces.
Ok I think that's enough for today take care all!
Tuesday, 12 October 2010
The rain in Xi'an falls mostly on the stupid English tourists
Tuesday 12th October
Urrggghh how crappy do I feel this morning? We were all up until gone midnight last night drinking with some Swedish and polish girls in the hostel. Tyler was in his element with his "hello ladies" t-shirt on (a present from our friends in cranfield). He literally showed it to every woman we passed throughout the day and has built up a vast array of stories to woo all of the girls he meets.
We had gone to see the terracotta army and the tour guide (ja ja) took a particular shine to him, grabbing his arm at every opportunity to drag him off to different parts of the complex. The place was really cool, far larger than I had imagined and it seems that they haven't really started to survey the area yet so don't really have any idea of what else is buried there.
There are currently 4 known pits that have a range of finds buried within them, the unexcevated portions had an array of arms, legs, heads and horse butts just waiting for someone to free them from their shallow graves. We sniggered away at the horse butts (I believe this is customary and we wanted to fit in) before heading off to the main pit 1 which has some 2000 warriors that have been unearthed.
The guy who discovered the first warrior was a local farmer and the government paid him 10 Yuan for his discovery (approximately 1 pound), however since then he has made a fortune from the place. We had the privilege to meet him as he was signing books in the shop and I have to say he is a grumpy old bastard. I guess having spent the last 20 odd years sitting in a souvenir shop has taken it's toll on the old codger but still a smile wouldn't go amiss every now and again.
Still we diligently brought his books and he dutifully signed away, for all I know it could have said "I bloody hate tourists" and he had a glint in his eye that indicated a desire for us to bugger off as fast as possible.
For lunch we were treated to the culinary delights of the local tourist shit hole that seemed to have a speciality for grime coated table wear and little else. We quickly wolfed down as much mystery meat and neon cabbage as possible before being herded into the adjoining rip off market so that we could spend our ha rd earned tourist dollars on yet more one of a kind tat.
My negotiating skills seemed to have been honed a little since my last encounter and I actually managed to knock a merchant down from120 Yuan to 40 for a fat buddha head that was probably worth 20.
With a lingering taste of MSG in our mouths from our lunch banquet we figured the best bet would be to drink our way through it as soon as we got back to the hostel (one of the few things that has actually gone to plan thus far).
So today has been a bit of a wipe out, we needed to get our train tickets sorted for our next destination and asked the hostel owner for advice, he quickly drew out a detailed map to the local ticket office about five minutes away. 2 hours later we started to consider the possibility that we may have taken a wrong turn somewhere along the line, we had found a little booth that purportedly did sell tickets but the fat angry man contained within just pointed us in the direction we had just come from and couldn't offer any assistance.
So it was that 3 hours after we had originally set out on our 10 minute round trip we wound up back at our hostel with our tails between our legs acting like dumb foreigners and asking for help. This is the good bit, it turns out the hostel worker that gave us directions sent us to the wrong place, ohh how we all laughed, so much merriment ensued that nobody could register the tears welling up in my eyes or the fact that my arms seemed to have a craving to be firmly coiled around his neck.
Still after all of this entertainment, what we needed now was a nice walk in the opposite direction down the same street to find the tickets again, ohh yeah also I forgot to mention that it was absolutely bucketing it down. It's been the first day of rain since we set off but it was relentless.
We finally secured three tickets for tomorrow afternoon and meandered around the main square for a bit, we were soaked through and saw no point of heading back to the hostel because of the safety concerns (there was still a strong possibility I may actually strangle someone)
We headed down to the Muslim quarter for some food with one of the girls we had met, mini was from the US and spoke mandarin, although considering the place we ended up in that offered very little help to her. We ended up with a rather delightful dish called Acidbot Bingy soup, none of us had any idea what the hell it was but it tasted great. We had loads of other dishes with less cool names and for the 4 of us the bill came to just over £5, it just seems to be getting cheaper and cheaper here.
Right off to bed for an early night and hopefully a lay in although highly doubtful with a 7 year old in the same room.
Urrggghh how crappy do I feel this morning? We were all up until gone midnight last night drinking with some Swedish and polish girls in the hostel. Tyler was in his element with his "hello ladies" t-shirt on (a present from our friends in cranfield). He literally showed it to every woman we passed throughout the day and has built up a vast array of stories to woo all of the girls he meets.
We had gone to see the terracotta army and the tour guide (ja ja) took a particular shine to him, grabbing his arm at every opportunity to drag him off to different parts of the complex. The place was really cool, far larger than I had imagined and it seems that they haven't really started to survey the area yet so don't really have any idea of what else is buried there.
There are currently 4 known pits that have a range of finds buried within them, the unexcevated portions had an array of arms, legs, heads and horse butts just waiting for someone to free them from their shallow graves. We sniggered away at the horse butts (I believe this is customary and we wanted to fit in) before heading off to the main pit 1 which has some 2000 warriors that have been unearthed.
The guy who discovered the first warrior was a local farmer and the government paid him 10 Yuan for his discovery (approximately 1 pound), however since then he has made a fortune from the place. We had the privilege to meet him as he was signing books in the shop and I have to say he is a grumpy old bastard. I guess having spent the last 20 odd years sitting in a souvenir shop has taken it's toll on the old codger but still a smile wouldn't go amiss every now and again.
Still we diligently brought his books and he dutifully signed away, for all I know it could have said "I bloody hate tourists" and he had a glint in his eye that indicated a desire for us to bugger off as fast as possible.
For lunch we were treated to the culinary delights of the local tourist shit hole that seemed to have a speciality for grime coated table wear and little else. We quickly wolfed down as much mystery meat and neon cabbage as possible before being herded into the adjoining rip off market so that we could spend our ha rd earned tourist dollars on yet more one of a kind tat.
My negotiating skills seemed to have been honed a little since my last encounter and I actually managed to knock a merchant down from120 Yuan to 40 for a fat buddha head that was probably worth 20.
With a lingering taste of MSG in our mouths from our lunch banquet we figured the best bet would be to drink our way through it as soon as we got back to the hostel (one of the few things that has actually gone to plan thus far).
So today has been a bit of a wipe out, we needed to get our train tickets sorted for our next destination and asked the hostel owner for advice, he quickly drew out a detailed map to the local ticket office about five minutes away. 2 hours later we started to consider the possibility that we may have taken a wrong turn somewhere along the line, we had found a little booth that purportedly did sell tickets but the fat angry man contained within just pointed us in the direction we had just come from and couldn't offer any assistance.
So it was that 3 hours after we had originally set out on our 10 minute round trip we wound up back at our hostel with our tails between our legs acting like dumb foreigners and asking for help. This is the good bit, it turns out the hostel worker that gave us directions sent us to the wrong place, ohh how we all laughed, so much merriment ensued that nobody could register the tears welling up in my eyes or the fact that my arms seemed to have a craving to be firmly coiled around his neck.
Still after all of this entertainment, what we needed now was a nice walk in the opposite direction down the same street to find the tickets again, ohh yeah also I forgot to mention that it was absolutely bucketing it down. It's been the first day of rain since we set off but it was relentless.
We finally secured three tickets for tomorrow afternoon and meandered around the main square for a bit, we were soaked through and saw no point of heading back to the hostel because of the safety concerns (there was still a strong possibility I may actually strangle someone)
We headed down to the Muslim quarter for some food with one of the girls we had met, mini was from the US and spoke mandarin, although considering the place we ended up in that offered very little help to her. We ended up with a rather delightful dish called Acidbot Bingy soup, none of us had any idea what the hell it was but it tasted great. We had loads of other dishes with less cool names and for the 4 of us the bill came to just over £5, it just seems to be getting cheaper and cheaper here.
Right off to bed for an early night and hopefully a lay in although highly doubtful with a 7 year old in the same room.
Monday, 11 October 2010
The trains are just pants!
Monday 11th October
We spent our last day in Beijing walking around the summer palace, an amazing complex of traditional Chinese buildings that provided a great end to our time here. I would happily recommend anyone to come to Beijing, the people are lovely, there is a multitude of tourist attractions to keep even the most adventurous of tourists entertained and above all it is cheap.
But now we have made it to xi'an and are staying in a fantastic hostel full of travellers that has given us the opportunity to talk to people for the first time in ages.
We had purchased three random tickets at the train station and ended up in the cheapy section of the train. I had the privilege of sharing my compartment with "underwear guy" a rotund older gentleman who was sporting nothing other than a pair of skin tight long johns and a lopsided smile. He had a penchant for farting and seemed to be intent on trumping out the entire national anthem for anyone within earshot. I am sure that he would have considered requests too as his repertoire was vast and extremely well practiced.
The other four guys in my compartment, although not as musically gifted as underwear guy, still tried to compete at various points throughout the night. What ensued was a strangely rhythmic composition of methane fuelled man music that under normal circumstances would probably have lulled even the most stedfast insomniac into a gentle slumber. Not on this train though, this train had other noises that badly wanted to compete with the trumping marathon, such as the trains whizzing passed at 100 miles an hour, the track cracking beneath the weight of the train and the other 200 peoples mobile phones and noisy eating practices creating a cacophony of unpleasantness each vying for attention.
I finally gave up on any prospect of sleep just as the train attendant passed through the carriage with his cart of noisy delights, creating a loud banging sound that provided a dramatic finale for the evenings operatic performance.
I ventured down to where Pauline and Tyler were sleeping, Tyler was snoring as per usual but Pauline looked as though she had also enjoyed last nights musical production as much as I had. We simply looked at each other in a sympathetic manner, nodded and then sat there in stunned silence for the remainder of the journey.
Having said that, it is all but a distant memory now, having had a very enjoyable nights sleep at the hostel and with the prospect of going to see the terracotta army this morning I am full of life.
We had a power cut here yesterday which meant that everyone congregated into a single area and it gave us a chance to catch up with loads of different people. We all headed out to the "du du" restaurant for a banquet that set the three of us back just under ten pounds including drinks.
The food on the entire journey has been exceptional and any hope that I had of losing weight has long been forgotten, I have even started to enjoy tofu which is scary. Also I keep on forgetting to mention the mosquito's which are bloody everywhere and seem to have a particular liking for my blood, potentially because of the alcoholic content and nutritonal value that it provides. Hopefully there will be something left of me to see the rest of China but its early days and I am already starting to look more and more like Joseph Merrick (Elephant man) as each day passes (although some might say that I had already made a pretty good start at that before I left).
We spent our last day in Beijing walking around the summer palace, an amazing complex of traditional Chinese buildings that provided a great end to our time here. I would happily recommend anyone to come to Beijing, the people are lovely, there is a multitude of tourist attractions to keep even the most adventurous of tourists entertained and above all it is cheap.
But now we have made it to xi'an and are staying in a fantastic hostel full of travellers that has given us the opportunity to talk to people for the first time in ages.
We had purchased three random tickets at the train station and ended up in the cheapy section of the train. I had the privilege of sharing my compartment with "underwear guy" a rotund older gentleman who was sporting nothing other than a pair of skin tight long johns and a lopsided smile. He had a penchant for farting and seemed to be intent on trumping out the entire national anthem for anyone within earshot. I am sure that he would have considered requests too as his repertoire was vast and extremely well practiced.
The other four guys in my compartment, although not as musically gifted as underwear guy, still tried to compete at various points throughout the night. What ensued was a strangely rhythmic composition of methane fuelled man music that under normal circumstances would probably have lulled even the most stedfast insomniac into a gentle slumber. Not on this train though, this train had other noises that badly wanted to compete with the trumping marathon, such as the trains whizzing passed at 100 miles an hour, the track cracking beneath the weight of the train and the other 200 peoples mobile phones and noisy eating practices creating a cacophony of unpleasantness each vying for attention.
I finally gave up on any prospect of sleep just as the train attendant passed through the carriage with his cart of noisy delights, creating a loud banging sound that provided a dramatic finale for the evenings operatic performance.
I ventured down to where Pauline and Tyler were sleeping, Tyler was snoring as per usual but Pauline looked as though she had also enjoyed last nights musical production as much as I had. We simply looked at each other in a sympathetic manner, nodded and then sat there in stunned silence for the remainder of the journey.
Having said that, it is all but a distant memory now, having had a very enjoyable nights sleep at the hostel and with the prospect of going to see the terracotta army this morning I am full of life.
We had a power cut here yesterday which meant that everyone congregated into a single area and it gave us a chance to catch up with loads of different people. We all headed out to the "du du" restaurant for a banquet that set the three of us back just under ten pounds including drinks.
The food on the entire journey has been exceptional and any hope that I had of losing weight has long been forgotten, I have even started to enjoy tofu which is scary. Also I keep on forgetting to mention the mosquito's which are bloody everywhere and seem to have a particular liking for my blood, potentially because of the alcoholic content and nutritonal value that it provides. Hopefully there will be something left of me to see the rest of China but its early days and I am already starting to look more and more like Joseph Merrick (Elephant man) as each day passes (although some might say that I had already made a pretty good start at that before I left).
Thursday, 7 October 2010
Yipee we can finally upload to our blog site!!!
Thursday 7th October
Finally! We have managed to find a wifi spot that doesnt kick us off after 2 seconds. I have also had to subscribe to a proxy service just to be able to upload anything, hey ho, sorry its taken so long to get all of these on here and please excuse any typo's I am sure that there are loads!
Wow what a day, as promised, Wu was there at 08:30 sharp and we were sheaperded into a shiny new car on route to the Mutianyu section of the wall. We were informed that because of the holiday the other sections had very large traffic jams that could add an additional 3 hours to the drive which definately wasnt a pleasing thought.
On the way Wu practiced his english on us with enthusiasm and I was very tempted to make up some words just to confuse him but resisted the temptation. At one point he asked us what the latitude of London was and we presented him with three of the most gormless looks that we could muster. He then asked what the word was for longditude, we told him and he sat and repeated it to himself over and over again for about 30 minutes, which was a little annoying but probably more interesting that what he had been saying originally.
We made it to the wall without any traffic jams in about an hour and a half and I promise you it is no less spectacular than you can imagine. To begin with you need to navigate through a small market with the usual collection of touts trying to harrass you into buying a totally original statue that just happens to be on every single stall. There are your odd splaterings of restaurants and even a subway which was a little worrying as I was afraid the americans had invaded it and we would be presented with "This section of the great wall is sponsored by Mc Donalds" and coloured to look like Ronald McDonalds face.
But to my relief all of the stalls and shops ended quickly and we were given two options, walk up to the main section of the wall or take the cable car. This was a very difficult decision that we must have dwelt upon for at least 0.5 seconds before opting for the lazy way (we didnt get our physiques for nothing you know).
Wu ran around collecting tickets to various things and spent about 30 minutes with us at the top of the cable platform, informing us of how they used to use wolf dung for this and that (shows how much I was paying attention) before he finally left us to our own devices.
Although this section of the wall is less touristy than that of Badaling it was still very busy at the begining section. It seems however that most people simply get up to the wall, look at it for a couple of seconds before decending back down to their air conditioned cars and KFC family bucket.
It was a welcome relief to get away from the masses and as we walked further along the wall the population started thining out dramatically until there were some sections where we were totally alone. I took a zillion pictures which no doubt will either be blurry or out of focus.
This section of the wall has an incredibly steep incline at the end of the main stretch and although we tried to cooerce Tyler up to the top we only made it about half way up until his legs gave way. We still made it a lot further than others and Wu was surprised at how long we had been walking for when we returned.
You could easily tell the people that had gone all of the way up, they were the ones wringing out there shirts and being given a wide birth by everyone, that is except for the multitude of flying insects that seemed to just be everywhere.
After we got dropped back off we extended our stay at the hotel by a few days and headed off to the railway station to book our tickets through to Xi'an. I was very proud of us, we managed to get three tickets for a night train, on the correct day and potentially even in the same cabin as one another.
From here we decided to make our way down to the Shaolin Kung Fu show at the Red Temple theatre, it was packed but we managed to secure three tickets for the evenings performance and were not disappointed. Tyler especially loved it and was awe struck as the artists balances on knife blades and flew around the stage. There were even small children doing somersaults onto their heads, a feat that looked extremely painful and yet natural at the same time, it was a great show and a perfect way to end the day!
Finally! We have managed to find a wifi spot that doesnt kick us off after 2 seconds. I have also had to subscribe to a proxy service just to be able to upload anything, hey ho, sorry its taken so long to get all of these on here and please excuse any typo's I am sure that there are loads!
Wow what a day, as promised, Wu was there at 08:30 sharp and we were sheaperded into a shiny new car on route to the Mutianyu section of the wall. We were informed that because of the holiday the other sections had very large traffic jams that could add an additional 3 hours to the drive which definately wasnt a pleasing thought.
On the way Wu practiced his english on us with enthusiasm and I was very tempted to make up some words just to confuse him but resisted the temptation. At one point he asked us what the latitude of London was and we presented him with three of the most gormless looks that we could muster. He then asked what the word was for longditude, we told him and he sat and repeated it to himself over and over again for about 30 minutes, which was a little annoying but probably more interesting that what he had been saying originally.
We made it to the wall without any traffic jams in about an hour and a half and I promise you it is no less spectacular than you can imagine. To begin with you need to navigate through a small market with the usual collection of touts trying to harrass you into buying a totally original statue that just happens to be on every single stall. There are your odd splaterings of restaurants and even a subway which was a little worrying as I was afraid the americans had invaded it and we would be presented with "This section of the great wall is sponsored by Mc Donalds" and coloured to look like Ronald McDonalds face.
But to my relief all of the stalls and shops ended quickly and we were given two options, walk up to the main section of the wall or take the cable car. This was a very difficult decision that we must have dwelt upon for at least 0.5 seconds before opting for the lazy way (we didnt get our physiques for nothing you know).
Wu ran around collecting tickets to various things and spent about 30 minutes with us at the top of the cable platform, informing us of how they used to use wolf dung for this and that (shows how much I was paying attention) before he finally left us to our own devices.
Although this section of the wall is less touristy than that of Badaling it was still very busy at the begining section. It seems however that most people simply get up to the wall, look at it for a couple of seconds before decending back down to their air conditioned cars and KFC family bucket.
It was a welcome relief to get away from the masses and as we walked further along the wall the population started thining out dramatically until there were some sections where we were totally alone. I took a zillion pictures which no doubt will either be blurry or out of focus.
This section of the wall has an incredibly steep incline at the end of the main stretch and although we tried to cooerce Tyler up to the top we only made it about half way up until his legs gave way. We still made it a lot further than others and Wu was surprised at how long we had been walking for when we returned.
You could easily tell the people that had gone all of the way up, they were the ones wringing out there shirts and being given a wide birth by everyone, that is except for the multitude of flying insects that seemed to just be everywhere.
After we got dropped back off we extended our stay at the hotel by a few days and headed off to the railway station to book our tickets through to Xi'an. I was very proud of us, we managed to get three tickets for a night train, on the correct day and potentially even in the same cabin as one another.
From here we decided to make our way down to the Shaolin Kung Fu show at the Red Temple theatre, it was packed but we managed to secure three tickets for the evenings performance and were not disappointed. Tyler especially loved it and was awe struck as the artists balances on knife blades and flew around the stage. There were even small children doing somersaults onto their heads, a feat that looked extremely painful and yet natural at the same time, it was a great show and a perfect way to end the day!
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